Divine Providence

When I was 16 years old I was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues. There were many times around that same time of my life that I knew what it was to have a heart of worship.

After I graduated high school I started drinking, doing drugs, sleeping around, and all kinds of other things that went with that lifestyle.

Within two short years I was on a retained jurisdiction program with two felony convictions and over 21 misdemeanor convictions. I had gotten 3 formal disciplinary actions taken against me when I ended up getting a forth. A out that same time I received paperwork that four more felonies were being filed against me.

The main thing the courts wanted to see during this six month retained jurisdiction was that I was rehabilitative. All of my crimes were drug related, I was an I.V. drug user of meth, and so they wanted me to complete a 30 day inpatient class offered while I was incarcerated. I had to attend every class to pass.

My forth disciplinary write up landed me in the hole for 3 days. I went in on a Saturday, and wasn't supposed to get out until Tuesday. The substance abuse class started that Monday. I was going to miss two days of class. I was going to prison if I missed class.

The hole was right next to the Chapel, and I remember hearing the church service that night. I was 20 years old with no kids, no job, no plans, and nothing to lose. I had four new felonies I was facing, and I was about to fail my retained jurisdiction program. I was going to go to prison. I remember I started to sing with the service. I lifted my heart in surrender before my God, and I worshiped Him in complete submission. (I remember that surrendered feeling 11 years later when God determined it was time to reveal His Son in me.)

I went to sleep that night with tears of comfort and peace on my face. I knew God had me. I woke up at 7:30 the next morning to the sergeant opening the cell door. He looked at me and said "Better hurry up McDonald or you are going to be late for class". I looked at him in wonder.

I finished that class, came home and plead guilty to two of the four new felonies, and then was granted probation by all four of the district court judges even though I had four serious disciplinary write ups. Act of God.

UNFAIR!

I was just thinking about how crazy it is to truly trust God. I feel like I am cheating the system, and that it shouldn't be so easy. Don't I have to be burdened by all of my past regrets, and bear the burden of making sure I am doing what I am supposed to be doing today to make my life what I want it to be? Those are rhetorical questions, but they are the reason why I feel like I am cheating the system. What about all of the weight, fear, and doubt?? Don't I have to have those things in my life??.

I was thinking how unfair it is that I can truly be free from all of that. You know how God answered me? "It is unfair. It is called unmerited favor Osa. I have loved you with an everlasting love, and I pour my grace over you like water just because it pleases me to do so. Rest in that. Find your peace in me, and quit striving."

Over all of my life I see God's divine providence. His hand there, and there, and there, over and over again. Not ever because I was doing anything necessarily "good". In fact, most of my life has been lived in complete rebellion, but He was always there none-the-less. When I needed correction and redirection, He was no less showing His love and mercy then too.

My life is not my own. However, I am not cheating the system by trusting God, for the punishment for all of the wrongs I have done is indeed due and God would be unjust to simply turn a blind eye. Another bore the judgment due me, and because of His sacrifice I have been put into a place of unfair grace and mercy. All of my sins have been forgiven and forgotten, FOREVER. I am justified, made right, ONLY because of my faith.

God has called me, and He has a plan for me that is beyond anything I can imagine. If He so freely gave His own Son to pay the ransom for my life and soul so that I could be free, why would He withhold any good thing from me? He wouldn't. In His love I rest. In His love I live. I am truly free and alive, and God will be glorified in me for that is His good pleasure. What an amazing gift God has given to us who put our trust in the name of Jesus. So simple, yet so beyond us.