While I was incarcerated, I was probably reading my Bible about 6 hours a day. I could not get enough. I was filled with life, hope, purpose, and energy. My life no longer was a hopeless, aimless event that was just passing me by, but had become an event of which I was an active participant. For the first time in my life, I was alive! Truly alive, and I could feel it coursing through my body and mind. I would wake up with a smile and I would go to sleep with a smile, and I was in prison! One of the guys who slept by me told me that he just didn't get it. He said, "You are the happiest person I have ever known, and you are in prison. On top of that, you don't have a TV, or food, or anything. You have nothing but your Bible, yet you are happier than guys who have everything." It was because God had given me life. As I devoured His Word, I was filled with Life, and that Life overflowed into everything I did.
It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life.
- John 6:63
There was nothing that could snuff out what God had given me. I was free and alive, and my life was vibrant even in the darkest of circumstances. There is no way to ever describe this peace and hope with simple words. I knew that no one could touch me unless God allowed them to. I knew that I would leave that prison when the appointed time came which God had already determined, and I knew that that time would be when I was ready to face the next season of life. Because I believed God, and took Him at His word, that faith infused in me great hope and peace. The promises of God are irrevocable, and He will perform His Word!
No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.
- Isaiah 54:17
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
- Romans 8:28
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
- Romans 8:31
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
- 2 Corinthians 1:20
For the first time in my life I truly understood the gospel, and the good news of what God has done for us. Though I was a horrible, selfish, sinful man, God loved me enough to allow His Son to die for me and pay for the due penalty for my sins. He loved me, and chose me. He called me unto Himself, for His purpose, to fulfill His plan. I didn't have to be perfect, which is great news since I am not! I just had to be me. Be real with God, trust Him entirely, and be open and honest in all things. Before I was ever a twinkle in my father's eyes, God knew me and destined me for great things. This is His promise to all who believe and belong to Christ. There is one Holy Spirit, and one God. As God does not give the Spirit with partiality, we are either an heir to the promises, because we are in Christ, or we are not. There is nothing in between.
For He whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God does not give the Spirit by measure.
- John 3:34
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
- Jeremiah 1:5
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
- Jeremiah 29:11
If we are indeed filled with the Holy Spirit, which is the evidence of a person who belongs to Christ, then we are indeed made a son or daughter of God. Wrap your mind around that for a minute! An heir to the throne of Almighty God!!! For no other reason that it pleased Him to do so! If we can't be thankful for that, then we have some serious problems.
But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
- John 1:12-13
It is through faith that we are established. All of the things I had chased after all of my life, yet could never obtain, were finally mine. I didn't have to search for happiness anymore. I didn't have to struggle with doing stuff to make myself feel better. As I stated before, there are no words to properly convey what this feeling feels like. Complete peace and purpose... In Him I had all that I had ever desired. This will not make any sense to those who reject God, but for those who belong to the Lord, even if they are not yet there, these things will strike a cord deep within your soul.
So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
- Isaiah 55:11
For us, there is great hope!! Lift your eyes to heaven and praise the name of the Lord! If we will just trust Him, He promises that we will not be put to shame.
“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore."
- Isaiah 54:4
This has been a great blessing to me as I have written this. Hopefully it blesses you as it did me. God is so good!!! The way I felt then is just as powerful within me today. There is nothing that anyone can do to move me from what God has given me!
Showing posts with label Dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dream. Show all posts
Friday, January 4, 2013
Monday, December 3, 2012
But a Man.
I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man.
I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.
The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.
Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.
I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.
He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.
Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.
I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.
I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.
I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.
The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.
Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.
I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.
He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.
Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.
I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.
I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.
Monday, November 26, 2012
My Testimony (Part 6)
I was locked in a four man cell for about 20 hours a day while I was in Ada County, and then had the other four hours to eat, make phone calls, or socialize. I spent most of the time I was locked in the four man cell reading the Bible. Not because I was bored, and not because I wanted to pass the time. I had "passed" enough time in my life, and it was time to make it count for something. I read the Bible constantly, because I wanted what God had to offer. I wanted to know Jesus, to breath Jesus, so that I could be the man God made me to be.
Up to this point in my life, I had believed that the only things that were relevant were the things around us. I had been so focused on the material, temporal world, that I didn't know that there was something other than that. Before I would read, I would pray. I would clear myself of anything and everything. I would humble myself before God, and acknowledge that I truly knew nothing. I would then ask God to show me what He wanted me to see, to talk to me, and then I would read with the hopeful expectation that God was answering my prayers.
Remember, I had reached the end of my ropes. God showed me that it was all or nothing, and that there was no fence. Either I trusted him entirely, or I did not trust Him at all. I had taken that step, with both feet in. Either God was real, and He was going to make good on His promises, or there really was no hope for me of ever becoming the man I so desperately wanted to be. I literally expected God to move, to speak to me, and to change me. In fact, my exact prayer was "Father, I surrender. I yield myself before you entirely, and I ask you to shape me and mold me into the man you made me to be. I no longer want my will in this life, but I want your will for me. I am Yours, and I need you to be God."
God delivered over and over again. Every single time I read His word, He shook my world. I wasn't in a race, so I read slowly, purposefully, just wanting to see what I was supposed to see. I could feel the peace and presence of God as I would read. I was at such peace, and I could feel His love for me.The problem was though, that when I quit reading I could tell that I was no longer resting in that peace. I would workout or play cards, and I could tell that I was back in the flesh. Just like that. I had read a verse though that told me that it was possible to always be in God's presence.
"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."
-Galations 5:25
So, I went to God with this prayer... "Father you say that we are able to walk in the Spirit, so I am asking you to make me to walk in the Spirit. " I knew that God wouldn't ask us to do something we couldn't do, and I no longer had any confidence in my own ability. I knew I could do it, because God said I could, but I also knew that I was incapable of accomplishing it. God had to do it for me. I set out after Him, insisting on Him answering my prayer and expecting Him to bring it to fruition.
This is how God answered me... He showed me that when I would quit reading, that I was allowing myself to wander in my thoughts. When I would sit and play cards, that I would begin to think of the past or the future. The key to abiding in God's presence is to be in the moment. To stay my mind on Him, and to be focused on the present moment. He showed me that I didn't need to let my mind wander, because if I truly trust Him then such thoughts are revealed as futile.
"Open the gates, that the righteous nation which keeps the truth may enter in. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
- Isaiah 26:2-3
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
-Matthew 6:25-34
"Now when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
-Luke 12:11-12
" For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
-Romans 1:20-21
These verses showed me the logical application of abiding in the Spirit. God is absolutely sovereign. He PROMISES to take care of ALL of our needs. He PROMISES that He will add ALL of this other stuff to us if we will seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. If I trust God, truly taking Him at His word, then I have no need to worry about these other details. Allowing my mind to wander to other concerns is IN FACT lack of trust. He PROMISES to not only provide for me, but to also give me the words to speak.
I found so much freedom in this application, because I was able to remain in complete peace by yielding my every thought before Him. This allowed me to truly be in the moment, and to really LIVE that moment to it's fullest. I then found that I became much more observant of the things around me, and I was able to really hear what people were saying. I had no need to think of other things, if in fact I trusted God, and I could give my complete attention to the people around me.
God began to use me to reach out to the men around me. I was able to truly listen to what they had to say, and hear their needs. I began to care about their kids, their families, and could remember names. I had always said I had a memory problem, and that I just had bad short term memory. I realized through this experience that it was again my own selfishness that created the poor memory. Before learning how to abide in the Spirit, I was always thinking about my self. This obviously kept me from truly listening to anyone else. I cared more about what I was thinking about than what they were saying.
I found also that I quit judging people. For the first time in my life I was able to hear what they were saying, rather than what I thought they were saying. I was able to weigh out their words, and discern why they were saying the things they were saying. I could hear their fears, their pain, their regrets, their remorse... Then I was able to encourage them, and love them. For the first time in my life I was actually contributing to the lives around me.
As I have written this piece, I have been blessed by being given the reminder of how to return to being a vessel usable by God. I am far from perfect, and oh how I have continued to fall short and miss the mark! I just continue to get in the way. I am lured out of God's presence by my own desires, and then am rendered useless to those around me. It is a moment by moment struggle to abide in the Spirit. It is when I am not completely trusting God that I say or do things that are not conducive to me being the man God made me to be. What a great reminder this has been! When we don't trust God, in truth, then we are given over to futile thoughts, and our hearts become darkened. Salvation is truly in the moment, which means life is in the moment. May God bless us with His presence, and cause us to walk in the Spirit that we will be able to love and experience life to the fullest!
Up to this point in my life, I had believed that the only things that were relevant were the things around us. I had been so focused on the material, temporal world, that I didn't know that there was something other than that. Before I would read, I would pray. I would clear myself of anything and everything. I would humble myself before God, and acknowledge that I truly knew nothing. I would then ask God to show me what He wanted me to see, to talk to me, and then I would read with the hopeful expectation that God was answering my prayers.
Remember, I had reached the end of my ropes. God showed me that it was all or nothing, and that there was no fence. Either I trusted him entirely, or I did not trust Him at all. I had taken that step, with both feet in. Either God was real, and He was going to make good on His promises, or there really was no hope for me of ever becoming the man I so desperately wanted to be. I literally expected God to move, to speak to me, and to change me. In fact, my exact prayer was "Father, I surrender. I yield myself before you entirely, and I ask you to shape me and mold me into the man you made me to be. I no longer want my will in this life, but I want your will for me. I am Yours, and I need you to be God."
God delivered over and over again. Every single time I read His word, He shook my world. I wasn't in a race, so I read slowly, purposefully, just wanting to see what I was supposed to see. I could feel the peace and presence of God as I would read. I was at such peace, and I could feel His love for me.The problem was though, that when I quit reading I could tell that I was no longer resting in that peace. I would workout or play cards, and I could tell that I was back in the flesh. Just like that. I had read a verse though that told me that it was possible to always be in God's presence.
"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."
-Galations 5:25
So, I went to God with this prayer... "Father you say that we are able to walk in the Spirit, so I am asking you to make me to walk in the Spirit. " I knew that God wouldn't ask us to do something we couldn't do, and I no longer had any confidence in my own ability. I knew I could do it, because God said I could, but I also knew that I was incapable of accomplishing it. God had to do it for me. I set out after Him, insisting on Him answering my prayer and expecting Him to bring it to fruition.
This is how God answered me... He showed me that when I would quit reading, that I was allowing myself to wander in my thoughts. When I would sit and play cards, that I would begin to think of the past or the future. The key to abiding in God's presence is to be in the moment. To stay my mind on Him, and to be focused on the present moment. He showed me that I didn't need to let my mind wander, because if I truly trust Him then such thoughts are revealed as futile.
"Open the gates, that the righteous nation which keeps the truth may enter in. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
- Isaiah 26:2-3
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
-Matthew 6:25-34
"Now when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
-Luke 12:11-12
" For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
-Romans 1:20-21
These verses showed me the logical application of abiding in the Spirit. God is absolutely sovereign. He PROMISES to take care of ALL of our needs. He PROMISES that He will add ALL of this other stuff to us if we will seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. If I trust God, truly taking Him at His word, then I have no need to worry about these other details. Allowing my mind to wander to other concerns is IN FACT lack of trust. He PROMISES to not only provide for me, but to also give me the words to speak.
I found so much freedom in this application, because I was able to remain in complete peace by yielding my every thought before Him. This allowed me to truly be in the moment, and to really LIVE that moment to it's fullest. I then found that I became much more observant of the things around me, and I was able to really hear what people were saying. I had no need to think of other things, if in fact I trusted God, and I could give my complete attention to the people around me.
God began to use me to reach out to the men around me. I was able to truly listen to what they had to say, and hear their needs. I began to care about their kids, their families, and could remember names. I had always said I had a memory problem, and that I just had bad short term memory. I realized through this experience that it was again my own selfishness that created the poor memory. Before learning how to abide in the Spirit, I was always thinking about my self. This obviously kept me from truly listening to anyone else. I cared more about what I was thinking about than what they were saying.
I found also that I quit judging people. For the first time in my life I was able to hear what they were saying, rather than what I thought they were saying. I was able to weigh out their words, and discern why they were saying the things they were saying. I could hear their fears, their pain, their regrets, their remorse... Then I was able to encourage them, and love them. For the first time in my life I was actually contributing to the lives around me.
As I have written this piece, I have been blessed by being given the reminder of how to return to being a vessel usable by God. I am far from perfect, and oh how I have continued to fall short and miss the mark! I just continue to get in the way. I am lured out of God's presence by my own desires, and then am rendered useless to those around me. It is a moment by moment struggle to abide in the Spirit. It is when I am not completely trusting God that I say or do things that are not conducive to me being the man God made me to be. What a great reminder this has been! When we don't trust God, in truth, then we are given over to futile thoughts, and our hearts become darkened. Salvation is truly in the moment, which means life is in the moment. May God bless us with His presence, and cause us to walk in the Spirit that we will be able to love and experience life to the fullest!
Monday, November 19, 2012
My Testimony (Part 5)
Making the choice to let go entirely of my hopes, dreams, desires, and life was difficult, but the application has been progressive. I knew that my life, as I knew, had just ended. I had no idea what lied ahead, but I knew it was necessary in order for me to become the man that my wife and kids needed me to be and I was willing to do whatever it took. I had made the choice and commitment to lay down my life, to die for my wife and kids, but now the application of such a commitment was revealed to me as a daily struggle.
I prayed and read more fervently than I had at any other point in my life. God was all I had now, and He had to deliver on His promises. He had to save me from the wretched man that I knew I was. God continued to reveal Jesus Christ to me. His love. His patience. His truth. His faithfulness. His confidence. His peace. His kindness. His forgiveness. His hope. His purpose. His discipline. His mercy. His clarity. If ever there was a man that was worth aspiring to be like, it is Jesus Christ. If I would trust God, be obedient, and follow Jesus in full surrender then I could aspire to be like Him. Jesus is the man I want to be like, and I will do whatever He tells me to do toward that end.
Though God used my family as the catalyst to bring me before Him in humility, He quickly showed me that my life was no longer driven by the things of this world. In fact, Jesus makes a very clear depiction of what was required in order for us to follow Him. In order for me to become the man I wanted so bad to be, I would indeed follow.
"Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
-Luke 14:25-33
I was at a point in my life where I keenly understood this. As I was seeking the face of the Living God, my desires and fears continued to surface. The thoughts of my wife being with another man were gut wrenching, and the fears of losing her were so strong at times. I was faced with the very real fear of what if she doesn't like the fact that I live for God? What if she didn't like the man I was going to be? What if she didn't like the things I stood for? It was through these fears that Jesus' words carried such truth. I had to be willing to let her go. In fact, I had to be willing to lose her if that is what it came down to. I could not let my fears of what my wife might think keep me from pursuing what I knew must be. Without me learning to live like Jesus, then I could never love like Jesus, and I would be a fool to allow my fears to prevent me from chasing after such an amazing opportunity.
I understood this from a logical perspective too. If I didn't give my wife something to respect, by standing for something and not bending to her every whim, then she would obviously have nothing to respect. Not having a back bone and giving in to her every whim does not show my love for her. It is doing the right thing, in love, for the right reasons, regardless of if she wants me to or not that shows love. It is hard to do the right thing as long as fear has any foothold. I also knew that if my life was truly modeled after Jesus, in truth and deed, then my wife would want me to be that man. That is why she was so mad at me to begin with. I had miserably failed in all the areas where Jesus set a precedence.
From here on out, this was going to have to be all about Jesus. There was no other way. I could not worry about what my wife, kids, family, or friends were going to think. I was determined. God spoke to me with other verses that told me to keep my focus on Him and not be distracted by the things of the world.
"Look to Abraham your father, And to Sarah who bore you; For I called him alone, And blessed him and increased him.”
-Isaiah 51:2
"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
-Colossians 3:2-3
As I was struggling with this constant battle within me, I found something unique that I had never before fully understood. We have the ability to take absolute control over every single thought. I had spent so much of my life being ran by my thoughts and emotions, that it was quite a new experience to be able to be in complete control of every thought all the time. If there was any thought of fear or doubt, I was able to cast it down and continue upon the course of thought I so desired. This concept is addressed in numerous places, but to experience it is almost surreal.
"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
-2 Corinthians 10:3-6
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
-Ephesians 6:12
For the first time in my life I understood the truth and application of these verses. The battle was being waged within me. The war was full swing, and I had been losing all of these years. Though I was in a fight for my very life, I had never known it. As the thoughts of doubt and fear would come crashing against me, using the people or things that I desired most, the truths of God were all I had to keep them at bay. The truth of God, as revealed in His word and through Jesus, were the only weapon to fight away the thoughts that threatened to defeat me.
"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
-Hebrews 4:12
"Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you."
-1 Timothy 4:15-16
With this clarity, I devoured the word of God and it brought me life. I quit trying to prove myself. I quit tying to sell myself. I quit trying to figure things out on my own. I knew that it was by my actions that people would see my progress, and my words had nothing to do with that. I was not doing this to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I knew very well that the direction of my life would come with great scorn. I would be estranged from many of the people I had previously associated with, and it was a very real possibility that even my wife would not support me. These things were very clear, and I accepted the cost in order to obtain what was offered.
"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me."
-John 15:18-21
I knew well what I would go through to become the man God intended me to be, who my wife and kids need me to be. My life no longer mattered though, so I fought the battle the raged within. Relying entirely on God to protect me, to guide me, and to mold me into the man He made me to be. I prayed more, and I read more. Every word of God was relative to my life in some aspect, and I read with full expectation of God revealing His word to me. Oh how it cut and sliced through all the things I had learned and been taught. It required full surrender to be able to even see what God was saying, because what He says is always contrary to what the world says.
I prayed and read more fervently than I had at any other point in my life. God was all I had now, and He had to deliver on His promises. He had to save me from the wretched man that I knew I was. God continued to reveal Jesus Christ to me. His love. His patience. His truth. His faithfulness. His confidence. His peace. His kindness. His forgiveness. His hope. His purpose. His discipline. His mercy. His clarity. If ever there was a man that was worth aspiring to be like, it is Jesus Christ. If I would trust God, be obedient, and follow Jesus in full surrender then I could aspire to be like Him. Jesus is the man I want to be like, and I will do whatever He tells me to do toward that end.
Though God used my family as the catalyst to bring me before Him in humility, He quickly showed me that my life was no longer driven by the things of this world. In fact, Jesus makes a very clear depiction of what was required in order for us to follow Him. In order for me to become the man I wanted so bad to be, I would indeed follow.
"Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
-Luke 14:25-33
I was at a point in my life where I keenly understood this. As I was seeking the face of the Living God, my desires and fears continued to surface. The thoughts of my wife being with another man were gut wrenching, and the fears of losing her were so strong at times. I was faced with the very real fear of what if she doesn't like the fact that I live for God? What if she didn't like the man I was going to be? What if she didn't like the things I stood for? It was through these fears that Jesus' words carried such truth. I had to be willing to let her go. In fact, I had to be willing to lose her if that is what it came down to. I could not let my fears of what my wife might think keep me from pursuing what I knew must be. Without me learning to live like Jesus, then I could never love like Jesus, and I would be a fool to allow my fears to prevent me from chasing after such an amazing opportunity.
I understood this from a logical perspective too. If I didn't give my wife something to respect, by standing for something and not bending to her every whim, then she would obviously have nothing to respect. Not having a back bone and giving in to her every whim does not show my love for her. It is doing the right thing, in love, for the right reasons, regardless of if she wants me to or not that shows love. It is hard to do the right thing as long as fear has any foothold. I also knew that if my life was truly modeled after Jesus, in truth and deed, then my wife would want me to be that man. That is why she was so mad at me to begin with. I had miserably failed in all the areas where Jesus set a precedence.
From here on out, this was going to have to be all about Jesus. There was no other way. I could not worry about what my wife, kids, family, or friends were going to think. I was determined. God spoke to me with other verses that told me to keep my focus on Him and not be distracted by the things of the world.
"Look to Abraham your father, And to Sarah who bore you; For I called him alone, And blessed him and increased him.”
-Isaiah 51:2
"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
-Colossians 3:2-3
As I was struggling with this constant battle within me, I found something unique that I had never before fully understood. We have the ability to take absolute control over every single thought. I had spent so much of my life being ran by my thoughts and emotions, that it was quite a new experience to be able to be in complete control of every thought all the time. If there was any thought of fear or doubt, I was able to cast it down and continue upon the course of thought I so desired. This concept is addressed in numerous places, but to experience it is almost surreal.
"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
-2 Corinthians 10:3-6
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
-Ephesians 6:12
For the first time in my life I understood the truth and application of these verses. The battle was being waged within me. The war was full swing, and I had been losing all of these years. Though I was in a fight for my very life, I had never known it. As the thoughts of doubt and fear would come crashing against me, using the people or things that I desired most, the truths of God were all I had to keep them at bay. The truth of God, as revealed in His word and through Jesus, were the only weapon to fight away the thoughts that threatened to defeat me.
"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
-Hebrews 4:12
"Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you."
-1 Timothy 4:15-16
With this clarity, I devoured the word of God and it brought me life. I quit trying to prove myself. I quit tying to sell myself. I quit trying to figure things out on my own. I knew that it was by my actions that people would see my progress, and my words had nothing to do with that. I was not doing this to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I knew very well that the direction of my life would come with great scorn. I would be estranged from many of the people I had previously associated with, and it was a very real possibility that even my wife would not support me. These things were very clear, and I accepted the cost in order to obtain what was offered.
"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me."
-John 15:18-21
I knew well what I would go through to become the man God intended me to be, who my wife and kids need me to be. My life no longer mattered though, so I fought the battle the raged within. Relying entirely on God to protect me, to guide me, and to mold me into the man He made me to be. I prayed more, and I read more. Every word of God was relative to my life in some aspect, and I read with full expectation of God revealing His word to me. Oh how it cut and sliced through all the things I had learned and been taught. It required full surrender to be able to even see what God was saying, because what He says is always contrary to what the world says.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Don't Grow Up
For some of us mediocrity is sufficient, but for some of us we want more. Someone close to me asked me once why I couldn't just be normal. Well, I don't want anything to do with normal. I have been told I am unrealistic and that I am a dreamer. So, I am. I dream big, and I don't believe anything is impossible. I believe that my dreams are attainable, and that I need only assert myself.
I think one of the saddest things that happens as we become adults is that we "grow up". Granted, we must be responsible and mature, but "growing up" robs us of our imagination and hope. In fact, "growing up" is just another term for giving up. Why do we have to just accept that life is only going to be a certain way? How come we can't hold onto the silly child like hopes and dreams that make life worth living?
We tend to trade off the dreams of love, romance, heroism, purpose, service, and accomplishment for the sad daily grind of buying a car, a house, making the payments, and working a job that does nothing to push us to excel. "Growing up" is one of the worse things that ever happens to us.
We must take care of our responsibilities, but these "grown up" things should be the collateral part of our life. Our life should be about the dreaming, the loving, the living, and not about the "stuff". The "grown up" things should be there only to give support to the rest of life, not the other way around. How confused we are about what is important.
We spend hours and hours of time and energy working for the mighty dollar, and we justify the excessive amount of time we spend working by saying we are doing it for our children. I promise that none of us will ever look back on our lives and say that we wish we had spent more time working. In fact, I would be willing to bet that every single one of us will look back on our lives and say that we wish we had spent more time with our loved ones.
Time is the most priceless commodity we have, and we trade it off for dollars on the hour. We stress about those dollars, how to spend those dollars, how to make more of those dollars, and all the while the important things in life barely get the left overs.
We are too tired to play with our kids, too tired to rub our wife's feet, or too tired to have sex with our spouse. Are not these essential components to their relative relationships? Are not these relationships what life is about? Yet the important relationships are given way to the "grown up" worries.
My son recently asked me if it was bad for him to still have an imagination at his age, which happens to be eleven. I told him the saddest day will be when he loses it, and to use it till he can't imagine any more.
Life lies in our ability to dream, to love, and enjoy the small things. We need to remember as we go through our daily routines that it is only the relationships that are truly important. I have met some children that live in a below average income home that are ten times happier than some kids I have met in higher income brackets. Our children and spouses need our time, attention, and love. The "grown up" stuff should only be collateral.
Don't live in a box, and don't let the worries of the "grown up" stuff choke the life out of you. Dream, love, live, and give everything you have into sharing that hope and life with those around you. When we get home from work and we see those precious smiles... That is what life is about. Not the job. Not the car that got us home to them. Not the clothes that we cover our body with, or the shoes we put on our feet. They deserve everything we have to give, and our big dreams should have everything to do with them!
I think one of the saddest things that happens as we become adults is that we "grow up". Granted, we must be responsible and mature, but "growing up" robs us of our imagination and hope. In fact, "growing up" is just another term for giving up. Why do we have to just accept that life is only going to be a certain way? How come we can't hold onto the silly child like hopes and dreams that make life worth living?
We tend to trade off the dreams of love, romance, heroism, purpose, service, and accomplishment for the sad daily grind of buying a car, a house, making the payments, and working a job that does nothing to push us to excel. "Growing up" is one of the worse things that ever happens to us.
We must take care of our responsibilities, but these "grown up" things should be the collateral part of our life. Our life should be about the dreaming, the loving, the living, and not about the "stuff". The "grown up" things should be there only to give support to the rest of life, not the other way around. How confused we are about what is important.
We spend hours and hours of time and energy working for the mighty dollar, and we justify the excessive amount of time we spend working by saying we are doing it for our children. I promise that none of us will ever look back on our lives and say that we wish we had spent more time working. In fact, I would be willing to bet that every single one of us will look back on our lives and say that we wish we had spent more time with our loved ones.
Time is the most priceless commodity we have, and we trade it off for dollars on the hour. We stress about those dollars, how to spend those dollars, how to make more of those dollars, and all the while the important things in life barely get the left overs.
We are too tired to play with our kids, too tired to rub our wife's feet, or too tired to have sex with our spouse. Are not these essential components to their relative relationships? Are not these relationships what life is about? Yet the important relationships are given way to the "grown up" worries.
My son recently asked me if it was bad for him to still have an imagination at his age, which happens to be eleven. I told him the saddest day will be when he loses it, and to use it till he can't imagine any more.
Life lies in our ability to dream, to love, and enjoy the small things. We need to remember as we go through our daily routines that it is only the relationships that are truly important. I have met some children that live in a below average income home that are ten times happier than some kids I have met in higher income brackets. Our children and spouses need our time, attention, and love. The "grown up" stuff should only be collateral.
Don't live in a box, and don't let the worries of the "grown up" stuff choke the life out of you. Dream, love, live, and give everything you have into sharing that hope and life with those around you. When we get home from work and we see those precious smiles... That is what life is about. Not the job. Not the car that got us home to them. Not the clothes that we cover our body with, or the shoes we put on our feet. They deserve everything we have to give, and our big dreams should have everything to do with them!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Drive
Most people want more from life, but unfortunately they are unsure how to bring their hopes and dreams to fruition. People tend to give up on ever expecting more than what they have, and as a result they live a miserable existence. I want to talk about that step. The step of change that most of us seem unable to take.
"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." - King Solomon. As I mentioned in my first blog, we always assume change is external. That is a lie. Change is done internally. It begins with how we think, and our thoughts become manifest through our actions. I will give some clear examples...
You and I could go to the gym together. We could have worked out for the same amount of time in our life. We could eat the same foods, and take the same supplements. I promise you though, that if my mind set is fixed on the goal, and yours isn't, my results will far supersede yours.
All the time I see people post things about getting in shape, losing weight, or getting healthier in general. The idea is great, but how to make those goals a reality most people just don't have. We all have the capacity, but it takes commitment, determination, and willingness to make sacrifices to manifest that capacity.
We are a docile people. We are lazy and complacent in general. We must fight to be alive, or accept that we will simply survive from day to day. Most of us don't realize that we are headed somewhere. We are never stagnant. Either we are progressively improving, or we are progressively deteriorating. There is no middle ground.
Just as a person starts to become depressed, they become lethargic, eating habits worsen, weight starts coming on, and health starts decreasing is a downward spiral, so is it when a person becomes energized, they begin to eat better, they start getting in shape, and their health gets better. You don't just change one aspect of your life. You change your life, and then the aspects change!!
Does life hurt bad enough, that you are finally at a place where you are willing to do whatever it takes to reach higher levels, or are you still perfectly content being apathetic? If you don't want to hear what I have to say, then you don't have to keep reading. If you want more, and you are ready to push yourself, then spend some time thinking. Examine yourself. Are you REALLY willing to do whatever it takes?
"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." - King Solomon. As I mentioned in my first blog, we always assume change is external. That is a lie. Change is done internally. It begins with how we think, and our thoughts become manifest through our actions. I will give some clear examples...
You and I could go to the gym together. We could have worked out for the same amount of time in our life. We could eat the same foods, and take the same supplements. I promise you though, that if my mind set is fixed on the goal, and yours isn't, my results will far supersede yours.
All the time I see people post things about getting in shape, losing weight, or getting healthier in general. The idea is great, but how to make those goals a reality most people just don't have. We all have the capacity, but it takes commitment, determination, and willingness to make sacrifices to manifest that capacity.
We are a docile people. We are lazy and complacent in general. We must fight to be alive, or accept that we will simply survive from day to day. Most of us don't realize that we are headed somewhere. We are never stagnant. Either we are progressively improving, or we are progressively deteriorating. There is no middle ground.
Just as a person starts to become depressed, they become lethargic, eating habits worsen, weight starts coming on, and health starts decreasing is a downward spiral, so is it when a person becomes energized, they begin to eat better, they start getting in shape, and their health gets better. You don't just change one aspect of your life. You change your life, and then the aspects change!!
Does life hurt bad enough, that you are finally at a place where you are willing to do whatever it takes to reach higher levels, or are you still perfectly content being apathetic? If you don't want to hear what I have to say, then you don't have to keep reading. If you want more, and you are ready to push yourself, then spend some time thinking. Examine yourself. Are you REALLY willing to do whatever it takes?
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Where to look?
Too easily we look around us, searching for something to place blame on for the way things are. We want to blame this person, or that person, for the way they treat us and the way we feel. We look at things external, and make them liable for things which are happening internally. How is this logical? A person thinks things will be better when they have more money, when they move, or when they meet Mr./Mrs. Right. The idea that a person's life is contingent upon anything external is a fallacy. Two people could experience the same situation, but both of them have a different perception. This perception is what gives credibility and justification to their emotions. It is the internal analysis, thought process, which determines the direction and outcome of a person's life...
I am new to writing, but I have been given something that I must share. I have a burning desire to encourage people, build them up, and see them live a life worth living. My heart bares a great burden for families, and I believe men are the key. Many people worry about changing the world, or the country, and I do agree that changes need to be made, but I believe change is accomplished one person at a time. It is to this end that I am persuaded to share the things I know with others who want to listen. One life impacts an exponential amount of people, for better or worse. I want to make a difference.
The things I will share are my personal experience, and my own struggles. None of this is hypothetical. I know these things, because I have lived them. All of my life I have pushed to be the best I could be. I wanted to be rich. I wanted to be good at basketball. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to be happy. I chased after these things that I thought would bring fulfillment to my life, but I always found that once I had closed my hand around my desire that it was not what I was hoping... So I kept searching.
I would change this thing, or that thing, expecting some amazing result. I have changed everything around me, but I could never attain what I was so desperately seeking... I had three serious relationships in my life, but all three failed. They were all three completely different women, and I was the only common denominator. I realized at this point that the problems in my life were internal, that I was the problem. This was the first step to being able to become who I am today. I had to know what the problem was before I could fix it, and I had tried to place that blame on everything else except me. Once I began to examine who I was, I could begin to ascertain what I had to do to make things better.
Listen. If you are in a place in your life where it hurts bad enough for you to do something about it, then I can share some amazing things with you. The very fact you just read this says a lot about what you want out of life. Are you willing to look at yourself? Are you willing to put in some work, and accept some truths? If you want change bad enough, and you are willing to do whatever it takes, then you can achieve anything.
I am new to writing, but I have been given something that I must share. I have a burning desire to encourage people, build them up, and see them live a life worth living. My heart bares a great burden for families, and I believe men are the key. Many people worry about changing the world, or the country, and I do agree that changes need to be made, but I believe change is accomplished one person at a time. It is to this end that I am persuaded to share the things I know with others who want to listen. One life impacts an exponential amount of people, for better or worse. I want to make a difference.
The things I will share are my personal experience, and my own struggles. None of this is hypothetical. I know these things, because I have lived them. All of my life I have pushed to be the best I could be. I wanted to be rich. I wanted to be good at basketball. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to be happy. I chased after these things that I thought would bring fulfillment to my life, but I always found that once I had closed my hand around my desire that it was not what I was hoping... So I kept searching.
I would change this thing, or that thing, expecting some amazing result. I have changed everything around me, but I could never attain what I was so desperately seeking... I had three serious relationships in my life, but all three failed. They were all three completely different women, and I was the only common denominator. I realized at this point that the problems in my life were internal, that I was the problem. This was the first step to being able to become who I am today. I had to know what the problem was before I could fix it, and I had tried to place that blame on everything else except me. Once I began to examine who I was, I could begin to ascertain what I had to do to make things better.
Listen. If you are in a place in your life where it hurts bad enough for you to do something about it, then I can share some amazing things with you. The very fact you just read this says a lot about what you want out of life. Are you willing to look at yourself? Are you willing to put in some work, and accept some truths? If you want change bad enough, and you are willing to do whatever it takes, then you can achieve anything.
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