There is such confusion on this topic. The general consensus is that if you offend somebody, then you are judging them. This is a lie. If somebody gets offended, it is not because you have judged them. Let us look at simple application.
If I tell lies, then I am a liar. That is simple truth. If a person tells me that it is not alright to lie, and that I should be honest, such truths do not present judgement from them. These are simple truths. If that person proceeds to condemn me for being a liar, then they are passing judgement on me. It is true that if I have lied, then I am indeed a liar. After all, if you lie once, then you are a liar. Whether it is justified in our eyes, a "white-lie", an omission, or a "bold-face" lie is completely irrelevant.
Another example would be if I was committing adultery. If I am with my friend, who knows that I am being unfaithful to my wife, and he tells me that I am in the wrong for what I am doing, this does not imply that he is judging me. Because my friend loves me and wants the best for me, he is telling me the truth. He is right. I should not be cheating on my wife and having an affair. He loves me enough to tell me me the truth.
However, an outside person may attack me out of anger and not love. Whether they have a vested interest in my wife, or whatever their validation is in the situation, they feel they have the right to condemn me. This is judgement and not truth. It is true that I am an adulterer and cheater, but the consequences, extent, and/or impact of these truths is not for someone else to depict to me.
We must speak truth to people. If it offends someone, that is because they feel guilty. That has nothing do to with being judged. In fact, that means the Holy Spirit is bring conviction within them, and has nothing to do with the speaker. Here is another example. If someone is speaking to me and telling me how it is wrong to cheat on your wife, there is nothing wrong with this conversation. He is more than welcome to speak as he pleases. In fact, if I am faithful to my wife I might find myself agreeing with him throughout the conversation. However, if I am a cheater I will be offended by his discourse and may end up wanting to defend the stance of an adulterer.
If I have nothing to defend, then what is spoken will not offend. However, if I have something to defend, if I am wrong and I know it, then I will be offended. If I feel attacked because the person has such strong feelings on a subject, and this is something I do, then I will be offended. A person can only be offended if they take what is being spoken personally. If what is being said is not about us, then how can it offend us?
We must speak truth, which is not judging, but we must bring truth and light into the world.
You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
- Matthew 5:14
But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.
- Ephesians 5:13
If we speak truth, as we are commanded to, then we will offend. There are no two ways about it. If we are cowardly, and afraid to offend, then we are not able to be salt or light.
You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.
- Matthew 5:13
TRUTH WILL OFFEND!! DON'T THINK IT WON'T. IF WE ARE NOT OFFENDING PEOPLE, THEN WE MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER HOW MUCH WE ARE ABIDING IN TRUTH. AS WE ARE LIGHT AND SALT, BEARING THE TRUTH, LET US DO SO IN HUMILITY AND MEEKNESS. DO NOT FEAR BELOVED. BE STRONG, BE COURAGEOUS, FOR THE LORD IS WITH YOU.
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