Broken Home

I am a single father, and both of my children currently are suffering the consequences of my failures as they are being raised in broken homes. They both live with their mothers, but I make every effort to be as involved in their lives as I possibly can. I see my daughter nearly every day, and she stays the night with me a couple days a week. My son doesn’t like to stay with me because he is 12, and has his own routine at home.

I know that my son is at the age that he is ready for me to really disciple him, and help him grow into the man God made him to be. I must be diligent to pour into his life, and thankfully his mother desires for me to do so. Being a father is a huge responsibility before God, and I know that He will hold me accountable for how I manage this great task. Just as my son needs me to disciple him and teach him how to be a man, I know that my role in my daughter’s life is just as important. She needs my love and affection.

I am setting the standard, and raising the banner for my children. The world is so concerned about our children’s education, their self-esteem, and their future ability to earn an income that the most important things are absolutely ignored. Is there really anything greater we can teach our children than the knowledge they need for salvation, character, and what life and love should look like?

There are times that the weight of what they are going through is heavy on my heart. Right now they are so confused about what love is, about what family should be, about what the roles of a wife and mother are, and the roles of what a father and husband are. My heart breaks even as I type this. I know what the answers are. I know what it should look like. However, in God’s great wisdom He has determined that this is the plan for now.

I know that tomorrow isn’t even promised though. Each day I rest in the sovereignty and great love of the living God. I know that if I will lay my life down to Him in Jesus name that He will show Himself powerful on my behalf. My children are worth dying for. I am willing to trust the Lord and lay down my life. I believe the promises God makes. Not only do I believe them, but I see His hand in their lives. There is no doubt that God is present in my family.

“As for Me,” says the Lord, “this is My covenant with them: My Spirit who is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your descendants, nor from the mouth of your descendants’ descendants,” says the Lord, “from this time and forevermore.”

-Isaiah 59:21

The desires of my heart are to be married, preferably to my daughter’s mother, and to have a family that glorifies God. God has demanded me to continue to love my daughter’s mom as Jesus loves the church. Not only do I feel as though He loves her enough to expend my life to reach her, but I know that everyone is watching. The people on the outside want to see what God has done in me, and if He is true, and my children are watching as I show them what a man is called to do. I know that I am the one who is responsible for my family before God, and I do not take my role lightly. A man’s family is his number one ministry.

Faith without works is dead. Jesus says that “only one thing is needed”. I believe Him. I have tried my hardest to make my life and family be what I knew it could on my own, and I failed miserably. I do not want to fail, nor do I want any more regrets. I stand before my God in humility, and cry out to Him day and night to make good on His promises as I follow Jesus for all that I am worth. Only He can do what I cannot. I am but a man.

And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”

-Luke 10:41-42

^“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

-Matthew 6:32-33

Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.
-1 Timothy 4:15-16

“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him. In this you have done foolishly; therefore from now on you shall have wars.”

-2 Chronicles 16:9

 

To Be a Father and Husband

There is something God has written on my heart with great conviction. It is what His love is supposed to look like in our lives. We all have people in our lives that we love, and we love them the best that we can. In my life I came to terms with the reality that the best love I had to give to those I cared most about was not enough. What is on the inside always comes out, no matter how diligently we strive to make things different. I was a selfish boy who cared more for me than for those I loved. It was that selfishness that corrupted the love I sought to give. What came out was the best I had to give, but it was really all about me.

It was this truth that God used to bring me to Himself. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I didn’t want to hurt my wife. I didn’t want to hurt my kids. The turning of my heart was a moment when I cried out to God with complete sincerity to just make me the man my wife and kids needed me to be. I didn’t ask Him to help me. I didn’t ask Him to make things better for me. I asked Him to do whatever it took for me to be the man they needed me to be. This was the beginning of my new life.

God showed me that the only way I could love my family the way they need to be loved is if I would lay down my life. I had to die so that they could live. I had to take up my cross so that I could love them the way they need to be loved. I realized that only through defeating selfishness could I give of myself in such a manner that my love would be genuinely felt by the recipient.

It is the love that God showed me when He suffered the crucifixion that has changed my life. While I was still in rebellion against Him, living selfishly for myself and hurting the people around me, He still loved me. He pursued me in spite of myself, and never gave up on me. It is this love, unconditional and sacrificial, that I wanted to be able to give to my family. By yielding to God, He has shown me what love is supposed to look like. After all, God is love.

I cannot say that I know much, but I can say that I know God. I know love for the first time in my life. Because I know love, I know hope. Without God I am nothing but a selfish vacuum where my best is short of ever being what I would want it to be. With God, it is Him working through me. He can and will do what I cannot. Love is sacrifice. Love is everything, and without love there is nothing. I am bound to what God has shown me. Though the doubts and fears come, God always moves to keep me on track. He is faithful even when I am not.