Monday, December 3, 2012

But a Man.

I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man.

I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.

The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.

Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.

I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.

He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.

Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.

I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.

I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.

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