To Be Head of Your Household

If you are facing difficult times in your marriage right, are going through a divorce, or are divorced I want you to take something to heart. If you have children, then do not take lightly how loudly your actions are speaking to them as you endure these difficult times. We can justify whatever we want, but it does not change the truth. For us men... Well, I will just talk first hand so that maybe it is easier to see looking at another person's life. I know that right now my daughter is watching her daddy. She is learning from me how a man should treat her. She is learning from me what commitment, or lack there of, looks like. She is learning whether God truly makes a difference, and she is learning about love and family. My son too is watching me. He is learning all the same, but for him I am teaching him how to love his wife and family. The choices and actions I take as relevant to my family will have a far reaching impact for generations. This being said... Consider carefully the choices you are making. I want my daughter to appreciate and expect her husband to be committed and fight for his family. I want my son to know what a husband loving his wife as Jesus loves the Church looks like. I refuse to pass along chains to my children, but am willing to set the bar and break those chains. I want the best for them. This is not all about you or me, and LOVE IS A CHOICE. You can CHOOSE to love, you have to. We must see more than ourselves in every situation.

Wrap Your Mind Around This.

Around 33 A.D. the Sanhedrin and Pharisees were the authoritative power in the city of Jerusalem. Something like the Ada county prosecutors and judicial system here where we live. When Jesus was arrested in the garden of Gethsemane, it was done under direct order of the Sanhedrin and Pharisees. This would be as if the judges and prosecutors got together and issued a warrant for your arrest. This warrant was not issued for any criminal act, but rather for the fact that he declared himself to be equal with God.

 

When he was arrested, every single one of those who were with him ran for their lives. Nobody wants to die after all, and the threat on their lives had been real and perpetuated over the previous year or so. The proceeding torture, public humiliation, public beating, and public crucifixion were witnessed by the entire city. (Jesus was kind of a big deal at the time.) There was no doubt about how those in authority felt about Jesus, his doctrine, and those who followed him. All of his followers hid for fear of their lives.

 

Then all of a sudden you have men, knowing full well what awaited them if they even acknowledged that they were followers of Jesus, publicly speaking and teaching in the very name of Jesus. These men were preaching that Jesus is the Son of God, knowing that they would die for such a declaration. Now think about this!! Why would ANY sane person do something so blatant and open, knowing that it would cost them their reputation and ultimately their very life!? Churches were springing up out of the wood work at an exponential pace. Even if you don’t want to read the Bible, these facts are recorded in history.

 

The ONLY thing that makes this phenomenon make any sense is that something had to have happened after Jesus was crucified. Something happened that turned these scared men into fearless speakers. The Bible records this event clearly, and was written at a time when there were eyewitnesses still alive to testify to the event. JESUS WAS RAISED FROM THE DEAD!! He appeared, in person, to many of his believers. In one instance it was recorded that he appeared to over 500 people at one time!

 

Think about it. If these men saw Jesus face to face, (in body, not a vision), then no wonder they began to be fearless of death. They knew that what Jesus preached was true, and they saw first hand that God is faithful even after death. They KNEW that God would raise them too! They didn’t think it. They didn’t speculate about it. They SAW it! There is no other explanation for the boldness and growth of the church under such hostile conditions. If they hadn’t SEEN Jesus with their own eyes, then why die for a dead man and his lost cause? People don’t stand for lost causes after the battle is already lost. Why throw your life away? Their cause was simply made real by the appearance of Jesus. In KNOWING that you win would you not fight to the end, regardless of the risks? I know I would… I DO.

Marriage

I know so many people that are going through divorce, thinking about it, or have gone through it. I want to share what God shown me about divorce.

As I sat in the Idaho private prison I found out that the woman I had married was seeing another man. My immediate response was to completely discard her and everything about her. I was just going to find someone else. About two hours after I had gotten off the phone with her, I picked up my Bible. The very first verses I read were these...

Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again.

² The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him.

³ And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?”

⁴ They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

⁵ And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. ⁶ But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’^[a] 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, ⁸ and the two shall become one flesh’; ^[b] so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

¹⁰ In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. ¹¹ So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
-Mark 10:1-12

God is absolutely sovereign. It was no accident that I picked my Bible up after that conversation and this was the first thing I read. In these verses God showed me, with great conviction, that it was not my place to walk away from the woman God had given me to love. In fact, God showed me that the only reason why I would do such a thing would be out of pure selfishness. If it hurt too bad, or if I just couldn't forgive her (Because of the hardness of your heart), then God did allow for divorce.

However, God had brought me to a place in my life where I was changed. He had showed me that it was the call of a Christian, a true follower of Christ, to "take up our cross and follow him". Jesus bore all of the shame and pain of the cross, all the way to death, for the love He had for His Church. The church is the "bride" of Christ, and us men are to love our wives as Jesus loves the Church. I would have to take up my cross, bare the shame and pain, and pour out my life in love to the wife God had given me.

Many people ask questions about whether we were walking with God when we were married, but that is a foolish question. How does that matter? Either God is God all of the time, or He isn't. God is God all of the time. If any one of us marries another, it is because God brought us together. If God joins something, it is not His intent for that union to be broke. It is only "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept". People, men or women, walk away from a marriage ONLY out of selfishness. Period.

My love for my wife is truly for her, who she really is. I want to see her in heaven with me, which means she must come to know Jesus Christ. This has absolutely nothing to do with me. God has made me to love her. It  is His love shining through me that she will see the love of God that has changed my life. I will not pretend to know how this will all play out, but I know my God. He has shown me what I must do, and I love Him enough to do it. It is not a love in my own strength in which I am to love her, for my own love is selfish and about me. It must by in God's love, which is truly about her.

I realize that many people cannot receive this, but this is what God has to say on the subject. Things have never seemed more bleak or hopeless in regards to reconciliation with my wife than they do now. Every day, in so many ways, the temptations come to just walk away. God holds me fast though. What kind of a man would I be if I walked away and gave up on my family anyways? If you are married, then know that God has joined you to your spouse. In spirit and in body. You are now one. You need to be all in!! If you truly love that person, then they deserve your all. If you are not willing to give it, then maybe you should re-evaluate your love for them. If you are a Christian, then you are without excuse. Pick up your cross, deny your self, and love your spouse for all you are worth. After all, that is a Christian by definition. May God bless your marriages!! Fight, and fight for all you are worth.

Focus

It is so easy for us to lose focus of what is truly important, and to begin to allow the smaller things in life to steal our joy. The concerns of life weigh heavily against us, and the thoughts and worries of them consume our energy, if we do not diligently take a stand against them. Is there really anything we can accomplish by dwelling on any particular problem? Are not most of them entirely out of our control? None-the-less the thoughts of worry, fear, and doubt come crashing against us.

We can only do our best, but the outcome is not ours to decide. We must strive towards our goals and dreams, knowing that we will get out of them whatever we put in, but we are fools if we concern our self with what lies ahead. We must live in the moment. Right there, in front of us while our minds are entirely preoccupied with the "what ifs", is the moment in which our future is being directed.

We find our selves deep in thought about how to make more money, or how to fix a relationship, or how to find a better job, all the while precious opportunities slip past us that we could be making a difference in any one of these concerns by apply our self in the current moment rather than being detached and withdrawn in our thoughts. If we could only let go of the things that we cannot change, and focus on the moment right before our eyes, we would find a peace that many only dream about.

After God's own heart...

Everything in the world around us wants to give us a measuring stick, and tell us that we are capable to pass judgement. In fact, not only that we are capable, but that we have the right to do so. This was the result of the fall of man. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, they made the choice to do as they pleased. As a result, from that point forward man has believed we have the right and the ability to choose right from wrong. This belief system has allowed for us to justify the ambiguity that exists in everything from our reasoning to our laws.

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”
- Genesis 3:6-11

When their eyes were opened they decided that it was a bad thing that they were naked, and that they should cover themselves up. This was not a bad thing, for this was how God had made them. It was through their own reasoning that they came to this conclusion. Then, based on their own discernment and the consequential shame, they decided it was prudent to hide them self from God. Notice what God says to them. "Who told you that you were naked?" God is asking them, "Who told you that this is a bad thing."

It is this belief that we have the right to decide right from wrong that separates us from God. We so easily look at a situation, or a person, and pass judgement. We want people to "measure up" to what we think they should be, or maybe what the world says they should be. Know this though my friends. Whatever we judge in another, KNOW that it is in us as well. The reason why we judge is because we desire to minimize that which is in our self.

Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
- Romans 2:1

Who do we think we are anyways to be able to judge another? Are we really so delusional to think that we are better than they? If we do find our selves judging another, let us take that as a huge red flag that we should examine our own life for that thing we see in others. We are fools if we think we have any leg to stand on in comparing our self to another person.

Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.
- Romans 14:4

Judgement belongs only to God, and Jesus is ready to judge the living and the dead. Let us not put our self in the place of God, less we be put to shame for our conceit.

You shall not show partiality in judgment; you shall hear the small as well as the great; you shall not be afraid in any man’s presence, for the judgment is God’s. The case that is too hard for you, bring to me, and I will hear it.’
- Deuteronomy 1:17

I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom:
- 2 Timothy 4:1

Let us give a perfect example of how the judgement of our own discernment is not the same as God's. Let us discuss a man who committed adultery with a married woman, while he was also married. God's says this is evil, and to not do it.

You shall not commit adultery.
- Deuteronomy 5:18

In fact, He says that to even look at a woman with lust is adultery, and that we should go to ANY extent to keep our self from sinning in such a grievous manner. He continues to state that if we divorce our wife for any other reason than sexual immorality, that we are causing her to commit adultery. God is so very clear about the importance and sanctity of marriage.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
- Matthew 5:27-32

In fact, God says that He hates divorce and that we are not to do it. He allowed for divorce only because our hearts are so hardened and selfish that often we cannot endure in love to see through our commitment.

“For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”
- Malachi 2:16

And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”

He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
- Matthew 19:4-9

It is from these principles that the traditional wedding vows are derived. In our world we live in today, most people would not consider this to be that big of a deal. We have strayed from God and do what feels good and right in our own eyes. Our judgement is so very different from God's in this aspect.

Let us continue to discuss the same man, who then proceeded to kill the woman's husband to conceal his sin. In today's world this would be considered murder in the first degree, punishable by the death sentence or life in prison. There is no disagreement about whether murder is wrong. As God says it is, so far, so do we. Granted this can change with time and circumstances, as is painfully evident in Nazi Germany in the 1940's and in other nations even today. We can justify the murder of another human however we like, but that doesn't make it right. This man did horrible things by any standard.

If we were to look at this man, though his adultery would not cause many people to blush now days, the homicide just might raise an eyebrow, maybe. We would all find it very easy to look at such a man, judge him and say that he is trash. It would be so easy for us to say that such a man has no right to even talk about God. This man did so when told of himself in a parable by the prophet Nathan. King David responded to such a man with great anger.

So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”
- 2 Samuel 12:5

The thing is though... God called this man a man after His own heart. It was not, obviously, because the man did no wrong, but it was because of his repentant heart. When King David was confronted with his sin, he was deeply remorseful and repented. He desired to do what was right, and to please God. He desired to do what God wanted him to do. He accepted that he wasn't perfect, admitted what he had done, and turned from his sin completely and did what was within his ability to make it right.

And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’
- Acts 13:22

God does not expect us to be perfect, but to be repentant. He wants us to desire to do His will. He wants us to acknowledge our sins, confess our sins, and then to turn completely from them. If we judge based on what we see and perceive, then we might be missing something amazing that God is doing. Not only is it not our place to judge, but Jesus says that if we would give up that right that we would have no sin.

Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no sin; but now you say, ‘We see.’ Therefore your sin remains.
- John 9:41

We should let God be God, and leave the judging to Him, lest we our self fall into judgement. That person we are so quick to judge may be a chosen vessel by the Lord. He may be doing a great work in thier life, that He may be glorified. We do not know what God is doing. Ananias was faced with a similar situation. Saul, who was killing Christians, was in need of healing. God told Ananias to go to Saul, but Ananias said that he was a murderer. God said He had plans for Saul though, and that Ananias was to go to him.

Then Ananias answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much harm he has done to Your saints in Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on Your name.” But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel.
- Acts 9:13-15

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
- Isaiah 55:8-9

Let us only be concerned with where we stand before God. It is NEVER too late for us to turn to the Lord. He stands, ready to forgive, with the price for our sin already being paid in full. He will take us from where we are, and help us make right the wrongs we have done.

And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.
- 1 John 2:2

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.
- Revelation 3:20

Let us turn to God! Let us confess our sins, and ask God to heal us. The forgiveness is already there, but we must humble our selves before Him. We must own up to the things which we have done, and we must desire to turn from our old ways entirely. Without turning to God, we stand under His wrath, abiding in the curses. If we will only come to Him, He promises to heal us.

"He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him."
- John 3:36

Come, and let us return to the Lord;
For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up.
- Hosea 6:1

It is NEVER too late!! NOBODY is too far gone! Let us not be fools and condemn someone else based on what we see. We have no idea what God is doing in someone's life, or even what He may have planned in our life.

Alive!

While I was incarcerated, I was probably reading my Bible about 6 hours a day. I could not get enough. I was filled with life, hope, purpose, and energy. My life no longer was a hopeless, aimless event that was just passing me by, but had become an event of which I was an active participant. For the first time in my life, I was alive! Truly alive, and I could feel it coursing through my body and mind. I would wake up with a smile and I would go to sleep with a smile, and I was in prison! One of the guys who slept by me told me that he just didn't get it. He said, "You are the happiest person I have ever known, and you are in prison. On top of that, you don't have a TV, or food, or anything. You have nothing but your Bible, yet you are happier than guys who have everything." It was because God had given me life. As I devoured His Word, I was filled with Life, and that Life overflowed into everything I did.

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life.
- John 6:63

There was nothing that could snuff out what God had given me. I was free and alive, and my life was vibrant even in the darkest of circumstances. There is no way to ever describe this peace and hope with simple words. I knew that no one could touch me unless God allowed them to. I knew that I would leave that prison when the appointed time came which God had already determined, and I knew that that time would be when I was ready to face the next season of life. Because I believed God, and took Him at His word, that faith infused in me great hope and peace. The promises of God are irrevocable, and He will perform His Word!

No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.
- Isaiah 54:17

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
- Romans 8:28

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
- Romans 8:31

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
- 2 Corinthians 1:20

For the first time in my life I truly understood the gospel, and the good news of what God has done for us. Though I was a horrible, selfish, sinful man, God loved me enough to allow His Son to die for me and pay for the due penalty for my sins. He loved me, and chose me. He called me unto Himself, for His purpose, to fulfill His plan. I didn't have to be perfect, which is great news since I am not! I just had to be me. Be real with God, trust Him entirely, and be open and honest in all things. Before I was ever a twinkle in my father's eyes, God knew me and destined me for great things. This is His promise to all who believe and belong to Christ. There is one Holy Spirit, and one God. As God does not give the Spirit with partiality, we are either an heir to the promises, because we are in Christ, or we are not. There is nothing in between.

For He whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God does not give the Spirit by measure.
- John 3:34

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”
- Jeremiah 1:5

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
- Jeremiah 29:11

If we are indeed filled with the Holy Spirit, which is the evidence of a person who belongs to Christ, then we are indeed made a son or daughter of God. Wrap your mind around that for a minute! An heir to the throne of Almighty God!!! For no other reason that it pleased Him to do so! If we can't be thankful for that, then we have some serious problems.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
- John 1:12-13

It is through faith that we are established. All of the things I had chased after all of my life, yet could never obtain, were finally mine. I didn't have to search for happiness anymore. I didn't have to struggle with doing stuff to make myself feel better. As I stated before, there are no words to properly convey what this feeling feels like. Complete peace and purpose... In Him I had all that I had ever desired. This will not make any sense to those who reject God, but for those who belong to the Lord, even if they are not yet there, these things will strike a cord deep within your soul.

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.
- Isaiah 55:11

For us, there is great hope!! Lift your eyes to heaven and praise the name of the Lord! If we will just trust Him, He promises that we will not be put to shame.

“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore."
- Isaiah 54:4

This has been a great blessing to me as I have written this. Hopefully it blesses you as it did me. God is so good!!! The way I felt then is just as powerful within me today. There is nothing that anyone can do to move me from what God has given me!

Christian

Before any of us can come to Christ, we must first reach a point that we realize we need Him. It is so easy for us to go through life and believe that we "really aren't that bad". This belief is perpetuated by our ability to compare our self to other people, judging them, and thereby justifying our actions because we just aren't as bad as the other person. This is foolishness, but this is what we do.

A Christian is someone who accepts Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. These terms are sadly used so loosely that what they really mean is lost in ambiguity. People profess themselves to be a Christian just because they believe in Jesus and God. This is not what it means to be a Christian, but it is this pretense that allows nearly 85% of Americans to profess themselves Christians. They don't know what they are professing, and are using the name of the Lord God in vain.

Let us define these words, and examine the truth behind the declaration of a Lord and Savior. The concept of a lord is lost to us today, but the concept is still easily defined. Webster defines lord as :  a ruler by hereditary right or preeminence to whom service and obedience are due. Jesus preeminence is clearly defined in John 1:1-3:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.

Again and more clearly in Colossians 1:9-18:

For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.

His preeminence is the right to which all service and obedience are due Him. It is not the FACT of Jesus lordship that is questionable, but rather our subjection to His lordship. Webster defines a subject as: one that is placed under authority or control: as b (1): one subject to a monarch and governed by the monarch's law (2): one who lives in the territory of, enjoys the protection of, and owes allegiance to a sovereign power or state. If Jesus Christ is Lord of our lives, then when He says jump, we ask how high. If Jesus is our Lord, then we are in turn His subjects. If we declare that Jesus is Lord, yet continue to do as we please in direct rebellion to His command, then we are liars. It is an oxymoron for a subject to tell his lord "No". Once again the rules of logic say that either He is Lord, hence we are obedient, or He is not, and we do as we please.

The second part of being a Christian is accepting Jesus as Savior. Well... First of all we need to realize we need a savior. If we believe the lie that we are just fine, since we aren't as bad as the next guy, then we can never see the truth of our own sin. We must come to accept the FACT that WE ARE sinners. We are wretched at the core, and the sin that is within us brings great pain and destruction not only in our own lives, but also in the lives around us. For most of us, our stubborn pride will not allow us to reach this point, yet alone comprehend it.

I used to believe that I had to be strong. I used to believe that I just had to "man up" and push my way through. I used to believe that I was a "self made man". I used to believe that I didn't need God, because I was just fine without Him. It was only after I realized that my best wasn't good enough to achieve the dreams I had for my life, that I realized I couldn't do it in my own power. I realized that at my best I still hurt the ones I loved. At my best, I still failed to be the man my family needed me to be. It was ONLY when I accepted that I was a sinner, that I continuously fell short of the mark, that I came to terms with the FACT that I need a savior. So it is with all of us.

Only those who the Father draws can come to Jesus, and only those who Jesus chooses to reveal the Father to can come to know the Father. God loves us so much, that He will do what must be done for us to get on our knees and return to Him. He is life, and without Him we are dead. Out of His great love for us, He will not let us remain in our sin. What an awesome God we serve!

No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.
- John 6:44

All things have been delivered to Me by My Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father. Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son wills to reveal Him.
- Matthew 11:27

I pray fervently that if any of us are living a lie, professing to be a Christian when it is quite obvious we have not subjected our self to His Lordship, that the Holy Spirit will bring conviction and that we will desire to be at peace with our Lord.

My Testimony (Part 7)

I KNEW that God was answering my prayer to make me that man that my wife and kids needed me to be. Every day I rested in this fact, and I watched for the opportunities to continue to grow. I did not know that I was going to be going to prison, but I KNEW that God was performing His will. I KNEW that I wanted whatever needed to be done in order for me to become the man my family needed me to be. Sure... I wanted to go home, but not if I wasn't ready. What good would that do me? If I needed to go to prison in order for my prayer to be answered, then I was ready to go to prison. I KNEW that EVERYTHING that had happened in my life to this point, and that would happen, was for the best.



"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
-Romans 8:28



I thought I might go home, because I already felt like there had been many deep changes within me. When I saw Judge Neville, he sent me to prison though. When I went back to the holding cell, I danced. I trusted God completely, and I was excited to see what He had in store for me. The rest of the time in county, before I went to prison, everyone was just amazed that I was going to prison. Even the Deputies did not expect to see me have to go to prison, yet alone with a smile. God had blessed me though with great faith, comfort, and had destroyed all fear.



Once I got to RDU, my zeal and hope did not waiver. God continued to reveal Him self to me in mighty ways. My wife and I still argued horribly on the phone, and we could hardly even talk to each other. I felt so bad, and I just wanted to make things right, but I had hurt her so bad that there was no trust left. I would try to share things with her that I was beginning to understand and see, but they rightfully fell on deaf ears. I didn't deserve her respect, attention, nor trust.



The weight of my guilt for what I had done to my wife and my kids almost destroyed me. While I was in RDU though, God opened the book of Jeremiah to me. In this book, God's absolute sovereignty is portrayed in undeniable words. As God gave me understanding about His sovereignty, He showed me that in order for me to be where I was in that moment it required me to endure all of the things I had experienced over the course of my life.



All of the pain I had endured. All of the heart ache I had felt. All of the failures I had made. All of the pain I had caused. God showed me that just as all of these experiences were necessary for me to become who I was, such experiences are just as necessary in other people's lives. With this understanding He gave me this analogy in vivid detail.



I was driving my car down the road, and I continued to run over mailboxes. I felt so bad because I had done so much damage to other people's mailboxes. All the pain I had caused was just gut wrenching. I got over into the passenger seat, and asked Jesus to take the wheel. As He did, as I surrendered my will to Him because I did not want to hurt anyone anymore, I cried. I felt so bad for all of the pain I had caused, and I was guilty. I knew I had done it by trying to do things my way, and I felt so bad for what I had done. Jesus looked at me, and told me that I was forgiven. He told me that He had bore the shame and pain of the cross that I would not have to bare the guilt. He then told me that the mailboxes I had ran over needed to be replaced anyways. Nothing happens on accident, and God does not waste anything. It is through pain and trials that we grow, and Jesus would use my failures to shape those whom I had harmed. I knew that as long as He was driving, His will was being done instead of mine, that I would not be hitting anymore mailboxes. I did not want to hurt anyone ever again, but the guilt of what I had done was gone. God was in control, and God is good.



From this point forward I no longer have had to bare the guilt of what I did in my sin. I had repented, in truth, and I was forgiven. The repentance was genuine, for I never wanted, nor want, to repeat the things that I have done. Though I had been forgiven, and the weight of the guilt lifted, it did not automatically make things right with those I had hurt. I quit trying to share these things with my wife, for we were not at a place where we could share meaningful conversations. I had nothing to prove to anyone, and ONLY the consistent actions of love and time could heal what I had done. I continued to press forward, and I thanked God for the wisdom and understanding He had given me.

View

There are two fundamental views of the world, and our existence. Either there is a God, and He created everything, or there is no God, and everything created itself. Depending on our view, we will see and understand things accordingly. The world view is surely different from that of a Christian, but even many who profess to be Christian do not truly believe or understand what it is they are professing.

If there is no God, and everything just created itself out of nothing, then there is no such thing as truth, right, wrong, integrity, nor purpose. We have no purpose in this life. We are simply blips in an infinite cycle of nothing, creating itself and destroying itself for no apparent reason and to no apparent end. We have the brief period of our life span to party like a rock star, go until the wheels come off, and no consequences for anything we do in this life. There are no parameters, nor moral obligation aside from that which we impose upon our self, and nobody to be accountable to unless we get CAUGHT breaking some man imposed law which is arbitrary at best since right and wrong are only a matter of perception and open to change.

Under this belief system, there are no true answers to real problems. We can come up with our own solutions based on our desires and assumptions. We take our problem, and we search for an answer we like. This implies we aren't really looking for the answer, since it may not only exist outside of what we "like", but it may exist outside of what we believe. After all, if we knew everything, then we wouldn't be looking for answers in the first place.

Under this belief system, there is nothing after this life, so there is no purpose to things we experience. If stuff just happens, just because, then there is no understanding to seek. Everything that nothing created, when "nothing exploded", is just on a random course of nothingness, so we had better cover our butt and watch out for number one. After all, we only have less than 100 years to exist, so we had better get the most out of it because... Because why? We won't remember it when we die under this belief system. We just return to nothingness, and become "one" with the caprice and wanton universe as it continues to randomly created and destroy itself whenever "nothing" gets tired of doing something.

Under this belief system, there are no concrete answers. There are no absolutes, and nobody has "the answer", because that too is only a matter of perception. We seek marriage counseling, family counseling, personal counseling, life counseling, and yet to no avail. The world system is based on this belief system. What is right to you, may not be what is right to me, so there is no right. That means we all need to get together, a democracy, and have as many people as possible put their opinion of what is right out there until we have some kind of a majority rule on the subject. This system worked well in Nazi Germany in the 1940's. The majority conceded that it was "right" to perform mass genocide, so they did. And why not? There is no price to pay for what we do. We are nothing after all, so who is really effected and who cares about how someone else, who is "nothing", feels? Why should we care?

If there is a God, then we were created on purpose, for a reason. That means there are such things as truth, right, wrong, integrity, and purpose because they are based on the Creator's own opinion on the different subjects. The Creator would be the source of all of these things, since it is Him we came from. There are different ideas of what the existence of God means, but most of the different opinions are derived from either lack of logic or lack of knowledge.

80% of America "claims" to be Christian and believe in God. Most people think that God exists, created everything, but that He has no involvement in everyday life. Kinda like He is doing a complete "hands off" project to see how everything works out. Like a science experiment. This logic is flawed, because if in fact there is a God, then that would have to mean that He exists outside of all things created. This would inevitably include time, which would mean that the end result of His creation is not unknown to Him. In fact, God's existence outside of time would even imply that the purpose and end of His creation was determined before time began. The Bible very clearly addresses this fact as predestination, and the world accepts the ideas of destiny and fate accordingly. If God doesn't exist outside of all things created, then that would mean that He too was created, which would mean that He is not God, and that there is even one greater since there must be some sort of origin.

Webster's defines God as:
capitalized: the supreme or ultimate reality: as

 a: the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshipped as creator and ruler of the universe.

 

Under this belief system we will all face our Maker one day. We will all be held accountable for the things we do in this life, and that there is an after life. Right and wrong are absolutes, and our conscience attests to this. We are more than able to sear our conscience that we may justify the things we want, but we each know the difference between right and wrong because God has given us a remnant of His Spirit. Everything we do has an end and purpose.

 

Under this belief system there are concrete answers to every question we seek the answer to, and the only inhibitor to us finding the answer is our willingness to look outside of what we want or believe. A person's acceptance of this belief system varies only because of our desire to keep God isolated in certain area's of our lives. Of course this is a fallacy, since if God truly is God, then how can that which is made hide any part of itself from Him who did the making? We are so foolish in our logic on the subject.

 

I have been asked not to talk about God so much. I have been ridiculed because I think God has something to do with everything. Is this really so silly? By very definition God is EVERYTHING. There is NOTHING more supreme, or beyond Him, or He is not God. So many people try to put God in a box, apply restraint and limitations to Him, and then still call Him God. What!?!? Where is the logic behind that one? The "supreme or ultimate reality" does NOT fit in any box we can conjure up ourselves, or He is not God. Period! How I wish people would take the time to assess what they really believe.

 

I believe the Bible is the infallible word of God, and I believe that God created everything for His own glory. Not out of obligation, but simply just because He wanted to. I believe God owes us nothing, for who are we compared to Him that He should even pay heed to us? I believe God has placed eternity in our hearts to give us a longing for Him, and that despite our finite existence to such an infinite being that we are His greatest treasures and He loves us.

 

This being said, I believe that EVERY single thing is of Him, through Him, and to Him. I also believe that God's purpose in our lives is to mold us into the image of Christ. Being humble, nonjudgmental, honest, living in truth, trusting in God entirely, living for others in the name of love, bold, fearless, and completely self-sacrificing is what brings God glory. This is what His desire and purpose is for us. To become His children, and become like His Son. Jesus Christ brings glory to God the Father.

 

It is with these beliefs that we are able to see things differently from the rest of the world. With this belief system, we confidently approach situations which arise in life knowing that NOTHING happens in vain. We are able to look at the trials and events in life, and see them through a different perspective. When something happens, it is for us to grow and become more like Christ. Keep this in mind Christian as you face each new day. Do not worry about the future, for God has it all ready figured out, but seek peace in your life by trusting in who He is. Faith, and every other principle of God's, goes entirely against the world system. God provided the answer to EVERY single problem by giving us Jesus Christ. Rest securely in that, and in Him, and do not let the poor logic and foolish pride of the world take away or distort such simple truth.

But a Man.

I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man.

I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.

The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.

Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.

I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.

He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.

Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.

I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.

I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.

My Testimony (Part 6)

I was locked in a four man cell for about 20 hours a day while I was in Ada County, and then had the other four hours to eat, make phone calls, or socialize. I spent most of the time I was locked in the four man cell reading the Bible. Not because I was bored, and not because I wanted to pass the time. I had "passed" enough time in my life, and it was time to make it count for something. I read the Bible constantly, because I wanted what God had to offer. I wanted to know Jesus, to breath Jesus, so that I could be the man God made me to be.



Up to this point in my life, I had believed that the only things that were relevant were the things around us. I had been so focused on the material, temporal world, that I didn't know that there was something other than that. Before I would read, I would pray. I would clear myself of anything and everything. I would humble myself before God, and acknowledge that I truly knew nothing. I would then ask God to show me what He wanted me to see, to talk to me, and then I would read with the hopeful expectation that God was answering my prayers.



Remember, I had reached the end of my ropes. God showed me that it was all or nothing, and that there was no fence. Either I trusted him entirely, or I did not trust Him at all. I had taken that step, with both feet in. Either God was real, and He was going to make good on His promises, or there really was no hope for me of ever becoming the man I so desperately wanted to be. I literally expected God to move, to speak to me, and to change me. In fact, my exact prayer was "Father, I surrender. I yield myself before you entirely, and I ask you to shape me and mold me into the man you made me to be. I no longer want my will in this life, but I want your will for me. I am Yours, and I need you to be God."



God delivered over and over again. Every single time I read His word, He shook my world. I wasn't in a race, so I read slowly, purposefully, just wanting to see what I was supposed to see. I could feel the peace and presence of God as I would read. I was at such peace, and I could feel His love for me.The problem was though, that when I quit reading I could tell that I was no longer resting in that peace. I would workout or play cards, and I could tell that I was back in the flesh. Just like that. I had read a verse though that told me that it was possible to always be in God's presence.



"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."
-Galations 5:25



So, I went to God with this prayer... "Father you say that we are able to walk in the Spirit, so I am asking you to make me to walk in the Spirit. " I knew that God wouldn't ask us to do something we couldn't do, and I no longer had any confidence in my own ability. I knew I could do it, because God said I could, but I also knew that I was incapable of accomplishing it. God had to do it for me. I set out after Him, insisting on Him answering my prayer and expecting Him to bring it to fruition.

This is how God answered me... He showed me that when I would quit reading, that I was allowing myself to wander in my thoughts. When I would sit and play cards, that I would begin to think of the past or the future. The key to abiding in God's presence is to be in the moment. To stay my mind on Him, and to be focused on the present moment. He showed me that I didn't need to let my mind wander, because if I truly trust Him then such thoughts are revealed as futile.



"Open the gates, that the righteous nation which keeps the truth may enter in. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
- Isaiah 26:2-3



"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
-Matthew 6:25-34



"Now when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
-Luke 12:11-12



" For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
-Romans 1:20-21



These verses showed me the logical application of abiding in the Spirit. God is absolutely sovereign. He PROMISES to take care of ALL of our needs. He PROMISES that He will add ALL of this other stuff to us if we will seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. If I trust God, truly taking Him at His word, then I have no need to worry about these other details. Allowing my mind to wander to other concerns is IN FACT lack of trust. He PROMISES to not only provide for me, but to also give me the words to speak.



I found so much freedom in this application, because I was able to remain in complete peace by yielding my every thought before Him. This allowed me to truly be in the moment, and to really LIVE that moment to it's fullest. I then found that I became much more observant of the things around me, and I was able to really hear what people were saying. I had no need to think of other things, if in fact I trusted God, and I could give my complete attention to the people around me.



God began to use me to reach out to the men around me. I was able to truly listen to what they had to say, and hear their needs. I began to care about their kids, their families, and could remember names. I had always said I had a memory problem, and that I just had bad short term memory. I realized through this experience that it was again my own selfishness that created the poor memory. Before learning how to abide in the Spirit, I was always thinking about my self. This obviously kept me from truly listening to anyone else. I cared more about what I was thinking about than what they were saying.



I found also that I quit judging people. For the first time in my life I was able to hear what they were saying, rather than what I thought they were saying. I was able to weigh out their words, and discern why they were saying the things they were saying. I could hear their fears, their pain, their regrets, their remorse... Then I was able to encourage them, and love them. For the first time in my life I was actually contributing to the lives around me.



As I have written this piece, I have been blessed by being given the reminder of how to return to being a vessel usable by God. I am far from perfect, and oh how I have continued to fall short and miss the mark! I just continue to get in the way. I am lured out of God's presence by my own desires, and then am rendered useless to those around me. It is a moment by moment struggle to abide in the Spirit. It is when I am not completely trusting God that I say or do things that are not conducive to me being the man God made me to be. What a great reminder this has been! When we don't trust God, in truth, then we are given over to futile thoughts, and our hearts become darkened. Salvation is truly in the moment, which means life is in the moment. May God bless us with His presence, and cause us to walk in the Spirit that we will be able to love and experience life to the fullest!

My Testimony (Part 5)

Making the choice to let go entirely of my hopes, dreams, desires, and life was difficult, but the application has been progressive. I knew that my life, as I knew, had just ended. I had no idea what lied ahead, but I knew it was necessary in order for me to become the man that my wife and kids needed me to be and I was willing to do whatever it took. I had made the choice and commitment to lay down my life, to die for my wife and kids, but now the application of such a commitment was revealed to me as a daily struggle.



I prayed and read more fervently than I had at any other point in my life. God was all I had now, and He had to deliver on His promises. He had to save me from the wretched man that I knew I was. God continued to reveal Jesus Christ to me. His love. His patience. His truth. His faithfulness. His confidence. His peace. His kindness. His forgiveness. His hope. His purpose. His discipline. His mercy. His clarity. If ever there was a man that was worth aspiring to be like, it is Jesus Christ. If I would trust God, be obedient, and follow Jesus in full surrender then I could aspire to be like Him. Jesus is the man I want to be like, and I will do whatever He tells me to do toward that end.



Though God used my family as the catalyst to bring me before Him in humility, He quickly showed me that my life was no longer driven by the things of this world. In fact, Jesus makes a very clear depiction of what was required in order for us to follow Him. In order for me to become the man I wanted so bad to be, I would indeed follow.



"Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
-Luke 14:25-33
 
I was at a point in my life where I keenly understood this. As I was seeking the face of the Living God, my desires and fears continued to surface. The thoughts of my wife being with another man were gut wrenching, and the fears of losing her were so strong at times. I was faced with the very real fear of what if she doesn't like the fact that I live for God? What if she didn't like the man I was going to be? What if she didn't like the things I stood for? It was through these fears that Jesus' words carried such truth. I had to be willing to let her go. In fact, I had to be willing to lose her if that is what it came down to. I could not let my fears of what my wife might think keep me from pursuing what I knew must be. Without me learning to live like Jesus, then I could never love like Jesus, and I would be a fool to allow my fears to prevent me from chasing after such an amazing opportunity.



I understood this from a logical perspective too. If I didn't give my wife something to respect, by standing for something and not bending to her every whim, then she would obviously have nothing to respect. Not having a back bone and giving in to her every whim does not show my love for her. It is doing the right thing, in love, for the right reasons, regardless of if she wants me to or not that shows love. It is hard to do the right thing as long as fear has any foothold. I also knew that if my life was truly modeled after Jesus, in truth and deed, then my wife would want me to be that man. That is why she was so mad at me to begin with. I had miserably failed in all the areas where Jesus set a precedence.



From here on out, this was going to have to be all about Jesus. There was no other way. I could not worry about what my wife, kids, family, or friends were going to think. I was determined. God spoke to me with other verses that told me to keep my focus on Him and not be distracted by the things of the world.



"Look to Abraham your father, And to Sarah who bore you; For I called him alone, And blessed him and increased him.”
-Isaiah 51:2



"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
-Colossians 3:2-3



As I was struggling with this constant battle within me, I found something unique that I had never before fully understood. We have the ability to take absolute control over every single thought. I had spent so much of my life being ran by my thoughts and emotions, that it was quite a new experience to be able to be in complete control of every thought all the time. If there was any thought of fear or doubt, I was able to cast it down and continue upon the course of thought I so desired. This concept is addressed in numerous places, but to experience it is almost surreal.



"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
-2 Corinthians 10:3-6



"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
-Ephesians 6:12



For the first time in my life I understood the truth and application of these verses. The battle was being waged within me. The war was full swing, and I had been losing all of these years. Though I was in a fight for my very life, I had never known it. As the thoughts of doubt and fear would come crashing against me, using the people or things that I desired most, the truths of God were all I had to keep them at bay. The truth of God, as revealed in His word and through Jesus, were the only weapon to fight away the thoughts that threatened to defeat me.



"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
-Hebrews 4:12



"Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.  Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you."
-1 Timothy 4:15-16



With this clarity, I devoured the word of God and it brought me life. I quit trying to prove myself. I quit tying to sell myself. I quit trying to figure things out on my own. I knew that it was by my actions that people would see my progress, and my words had nothing to do with that. I was not doing this to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I knew very well that the direction of my life would come with great scorn. I would be estranged from many of the people I had previously associated with, and it was a very real possibility that even my wife would not support me. These things were very clear, and I accepted the cost in order to obtain what was offered.



"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me."
-John 15:18-21



I knew well what I would go through to become the man God intended me to be, who my wife and kids need me to be. My life no longer mattered though, so I fought the battle the raged within. Relying entirely on God to protect me, to guide me, and to mold me into the man He made me to be. I prayed more, and I read more. Every word of God was relative to my life in some aspect, and I read with full expectation of God revealing His word to me. Oh how it cut and sliced through all the things I had learned and been taught. It required full surrender to be able to even see what God was saying, because what He says is always contrary to what the world says.

Objective Evaluation

Why do we become annoyed with our loved ones? How is it that we can so easily be short with our spouse and children? These things happen to all of us, just some more than others. How come the ones we love sometimes tend to get the worst from us?

There are so many moments throughout the day that present opportunities for us to show those we love how much they really mean to us. Unfortunately we are blind to a lot of them. When our daughter is trying so diligently to get our attention while we are busy cooking or talking on the phone, or when our son is trying so hard to get our attention while we are watching the football game. These are golden opportunities for us to quit what we are doing, give our child our undivided attention, & let them know that they are more important to us than whatever "thing" we might have been doing.

Unfortunately though, in most cases, we show them just the opposite. We show them that whatever "thing" we might be doing is more important than them by either ignoring them, or give them a half-ass acknowledgement. This is obviously not intentional, since we all love our children, but this is definitely what we are showing them.

Actions speak louder than words, & we all know this to be true. We tell our children not to swear, but then we go & do it. What does the child do? Like father, like son. We tell our daughters that it doesn't matter what other people think of them, then we talk about how fat we are. What does our daughter learn? That it is important what other people think of us.

There is enough crap in this world already setting a horrible path for our children, the last thing we need to do is enforce it. It doesn't matter what we have, or don't have, yet we give everything we can into competing with the Jones'. The way we dress, the way we talk, the way we respond... All of these things our children are observing, & absorbing. We can't kid our selves. Our children will grow up to be EXACTLY like us.

Great responsibility rest on our shoulders as parents. If we truly want the best for our children, then we have to model it for them. We need to just take a long, hard, look at our self in the mirror, & ask if this is truly the life we want to give to our children. Most of us want our kids to marry a great spouse, be loved, have children, & enjoy a life of love & happiness.

We so readily give up on family & marriages, stress over money, and live a life short of what we want our children to have. We are setting the example. We are setting the bar. Our daughters will grow up looking for a man just like us, because we are showing them what a man looks like. Our sons will grow up and treat women how we treat women, because we are showing them how a man is supposed to act. Our daughters will grow up and treat their husband just like their mom has taught them, and our sons will grow up and look for a woman just like what mom has shown him a woman should be.

If we want the best for our children, we HAVE to SHOW them what that looks like. This requires us to quit looking at life through our narrow, selfish, perspective, and start to see things through a much different scope. Our innocent children's futures hinge on our every day life. What example are we setting for them today?