Gratitude Instead of Entitlement

I must confess that the hardest thing to overlook in a person is our sense of self-entitlement and pride. I think there is nothing more repulsive and disgusting than a person who just sucks everything from everyone around them, and then feels that it is owed to them anyway. I see this come up in my children at times, and I feel this is one of the biggest challenges we face as parents. To destroy the sense of self-entitlement while re-assuring them that they are deeply loved and valued is so important. NOBODY owes us ANYTHING!! If someone takes the time to do the smallest thing for us, we should be thankful. What lies in our flesh is absolutely repulsive, and all the world around us feeds into it. The root cause of everything that has ever gone wrong in our lives is DIRECTLY caused by selfishness. Let us guard against it, but more importantly let us teach our children to know gratitude and be thankful.

Check Your Self

Here is another huge indicator of our maturity, or lack thereof. Have you ever gotten mad at someone because they don't do something the way you would? Putting the toilet paper on the roller thingy... Squeezing toothpaste out of the tube... Mowing the yard... Thinking and processing... Maybe they don't go as fast as you might like them to... These are all indicators that we think more highly of our self, and that we are judging the other person based on our standard of us being supreme. One that is mature will be more patient and understanding, knowing that we are all different. Examine yourself.

Marriage

I know so many people that are going through divorce, thinking about it, or have gone through it. I want to share what God shown me about divorce.

As I sat in the Idaho private prison I found out that the woman I had married was seeing another man. My immediate response was to completely discard her and everything about her. I was just going to find someone else. About two hours after I had gotten off the phone with her, I picked up my Bible. The very first verses I read were these...

Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again.

² The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him.

³ And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?”

⁴ They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

⁵ And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. ⁶ But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’^[a] 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, ⁸ and the two shall become one flesh’; ^[b] so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

¹⁰ In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. ¹¹ So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
-Mark 10:1-12

God is absolutely sovereign. It was no accident that I picked my Bible up after that conversation and this was the first thing I read. In these verses God showed me, with great conviction, that it was not my place to walk away from the woman God had given me to love. In fact, God showed me that the only reason why I would do such a thing would be out of pure selfishness. If it hurt too bad, or if I just couldn't forgive her (Because of the hardness of your heart), then God did allow for divorce.

However, God had brought me to a place in my life where I was changed. He had showed me that it was the call of a Christian, a true follower of Christ, to "take up our cross and follow him". Jesus bore all of the shame and pain of the cross, all the way to death, for the love He had for His Church. The church is the "bride" of Christ, and us men are to love our wives as Jesus loves the Church. I would have to take up my cross, bare the shame and pain, and pour out my life in love to the wife God had given me.

Many people ask questions about whether we were walking with God when we were married, but that is a foolish question. How does that matter? Either God is God all of the time, or He isn't. God is God all of the time. If any one of us marries another, it is because God brought us together. If God joins something, it is not His intent for that union to be broke. It is only "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept". People, men or women, walk away from a marriage ONLY out of selfishness. Period.

My love for my wife is truly for her, who she really is. I want to see her in heaven with me, which means she must come to know Jesus Christ. This has absolutely nothing to do with me. God has made me to love her. It  is His love shining through me that she will see the love of God that has changed my life. I will not pretend to know how this will all play out, but I know my God. He has shown me what I must do, and I love Him enough to do it. It is not a love in my own strength in which I am to love her, for my own love is selfish and about me. It must by in God's love, which is truly about her.

I realize that many people cannot receive this, but this is what God has to say on the subject. Things have never seemed more bleak or hopeless in regards to reconciliation with my wife than they do now. Every day, in so many ways, the temptations come to just walk away. God holds me fast though. What kind of a man would I be if I walked away and gave up on my family anyways? If you are married, then know that God has joined you to your spouse. In spirit and in body. You are now one. You need to be all in!! If you truly love that person, then they deserve your all. If you are not willing to give it, then maybe you should re-evaluate your love for them. If you are a Christian, then you are without excuse. Pick up your cross, deny your self, and love your spouse for all you are worth. After all, that is a Christian by definition. May God bless your marriages!! Fight, and fight for all you are worth.

My Testimony (Part 7)

I KNEW that God was answering my prayer to make me that man that my wife and kids needed me to be. Every day I rested in this fact, and I watched for the opportunities to continue to grow. I did not know that I was going to be going to prison, but I KNEW that God was performing His will. I KNEW that I wanted whatever needed to be done in order for me to become the man my family needed me to be. Sure... I wanted to go home, but not if I wasn't ready. What good would that do me? If I needed to go to prison in order for my prayer to be answered, then I was ready to go to prison. I KNEW that EVERYTHING that had happened in my life to this point, and that would happen, was for the best.



"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
-Romans 8:28



I thought I might go home, because I already felt like there had been many deep changes within me. When I saw Judge Neville, he sent me to prison though. When I went back to the holding cell, I danced. I trusted God completely, and I was excited to see what He had in store for me. The rest of the time in county, before I went to prison, everyone was just amazed that I was going to prison. Even the Deputies did not expect to see me have to go to prison, yet alone with a smile. God had blessed me though with great faith, comfort, and had destroyed all fear.



Once I got to RDU, my zeal and hope did not waiver. God continued to reveal Him self to me in mighty ways. My wife and I still argued horribly on the phone, and we could hardly even talk to each other. I felt so bad, and I just wanted to make things right, but I had hurt her so bad that there was no trust left. I would try to share things with her that I was beginning to understand and see, but they rightfully fell on deaf ears. I didn't deserve her respect, attention, nor trust.



The weight of my guilt for what I had done to my wife and my kids almost destroyed me. While I was in RDU though, God opened the book of Jeremiah to me. In this book, God's absolute sovereignty is portrayed in undeniable words. As God gave me understanding about His sovereignty, He showed me that in order for me to be where I was in that moment it required me to endure all of the things I had experienced over the course of my life.



All of the pain I had endured. All of the heart ache I had felt. All of the failures I had made. All of the pain I had caused. God showed me that just as all of these experiences were necessary for me to become who I was, such experiences are just as necessary in other people's lives. With this understanding He gave me this analogy in vivid detail.



I was driving my car down the road, and I continued to run over mailboxes. I felt so bad because I had done so much damage to other people's mailboxes. All the pain I had caused was just gut wrenching. I got over into the passenger seat, and asked Jesus to take the wheel. As He did, as I surrendered my will to Him because I did not want to hurt anyone anymore, I cried. I felt so bad for all of the pain I had caused, and I was guilty. I knew I had done it by trying to do things my way, and I felt so bad for what I had done. Jesus looked at me, and told me that I was forgiven. He told me that He had bore the shame and pain of the cross that I would not have to bare the guilt. He then told me that the mailboxes I had ran over needed to be replaced anyways. Nothing happens on accident, and God does not waste anything. It is through pain and trials that we grow, and Jesus would use my failures to shape those whom I had harmed. I knew that as long as He was driving, His will was being done instead of mine, that I would not be hitting anymore mailboxes. I did not want to hurt anyone ever again, but the guilt of what I had done was gone. God was in control, and God is good.



From this point forward I no longer have had to bare the guilt of what I did in my sin. I had repented, in truth, and I was forgiven. The repentance was genuine, for I never wanted, nor want, to repeat the things that I have done. Though I had been forgiven, and the weight of the guilt lifted, it did not automatically make things right with those I had hurt. I quit trying to share these things with my wife, for we were not at a place where we could share meaningful conversations. I had nothing to prove to anyone, and ONLY the consistent actions of love and time could heal what I had done. I continued to press forward, and I thanked God for the wisdom and understanding He had given me.

But a Man.

I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man.

I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.

The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.

Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.

I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.

He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.

Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.

I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.

I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.

Christianinty

Most people that call themselves Christians, do so just because they at least say that they believe in God and in some form of Jesus. This is a diluted, perverted, and distorted idea twisted into reality by man. For the most part, it is their story so they can tell it like they want, but a person's story does not alter truth.

Jesus makes it very clear what we must do to follow Him. Following Him is the natural consequence of a person trusting IN Him. Everyone knows there is a God, but being a Christian is being like Christ. Jesus' entire life was to glorify the Father. If we are not following Jesus, then we are by no means a Christian and, in fact, are taking the name of the Lord in vain. There are some simple facts that line this out, that maybe we can properly evaluate whether we are in fact Christians, or if we are lying to ourselves.

Just believing there is a God is NOT enough.

"You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble!"
-James 2:19

These demons that believe in God and tremble, do so for a valid reason, proving that believing God exists does not count one as a Christian.

"Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels:"
-Matthew 25:41

There will be a day of judgement.

^"When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left."
-Matthew 25:31-33

"The day of judgment is certain to come. And it will be like a red-hot furnace with flames that burn up proud and sinful people, as though they were straw. Not a branch or a root will be left. I, the Lord All-Powerful, have spoken! But for you that honor my name, victory will shine like the sun with healing in its rays, and you will jump around like calves at play. When I come to bring justice, you will trample those who are evil, as though they were ashes under your feet. I, the Lord All-Powerful, have spoken!"
-Malachi 4:1-3

"Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away. And there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works. Then Death and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire."
-Revelation 20:11-15

"And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels, in flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power; when he shall come to be glorified in his saints, and to be admired in all them that believe (because our testimony among you was believed) in that day."
-2 Thessalonians 1:7-10

There are absolute differences between a Christian and non-Christian.

"Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’

"Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

"Then He will also say to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.’

^"Then they also will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?’ Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.’ And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
-Matthew 25:34-46

No one has an excuse for not glorifying God as God.

^"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things."
-Romans 1:18-23

What if a person doesn't know of Jesus, or isn't "called" a Christian?

"For as many as have sinned without law will also perish without law, and as many as have sinned in the law will be judged by the law (for not the hearers of the law are just in the sight of God, but the doers of the law will be justified; for when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do the things in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing them) in the day when God will judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ, according to my gospel.
-Romans 2:12-16

The word "Christian" was made up by men to coin those who followed Christ. As in the verse above, every single one of us knows the difference between right and wrong. We are more than capable of searing our conscience or justifying our actions, but it doesn't change the underlying principles of what we are doing. Some people call them selves Christians, who are not, and some people are Christians, but do not call them self such. The bottom line is the intent of our heart. Are we thankful to God, glorifying Him for His greatness and mercy, striving to do what is right because we know it is right, or are we bitter, angry, denying God, and doing what we please because we could careless about what is right.

In this world today it is a common belief that right and wrong are ambiguous. That we are each god in our own right, and that we are the "masters of our own destiny". All of these beliefs deny God and who He is. It is our foolish pride rising against the truth of God, because we do not want to submit to anyone. Such foolishness indeed!

"Woe to those who seek deep to hide their counsel far from the Lord, and their works are in the dark; they say, “Who sees us?” and, “Who knows us?” Surely you have things turned around! Shall the potter be esteemed as the clay; for shall the thing made say of him who made it, “He did not make me”? Or shall the thing formed say of him who formed it, “He has no understanding”?"
-Isaiah 29:15-16

What a Christian looks like.

"Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
-John 14:6

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.""
-Matthew 16:24-25

"Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles—when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you. They will give an account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this reason the gospel was preached also to those who are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit."
-1 Peter 4:1-6

"And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”"
-1 Peter 4:8

" Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter."
-1 Peter 4:12-16

"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked."
-1 John 2:3-6

"Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight. And this is His commandment: that we should believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another, as He gave us commandment."
-1 John 3:13-23

^"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.  And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us."
-1 John 4:7-19

Our faith in Jesus Christ is manifest by our obedience, in love.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
-John 15:13

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
-1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If we call our self a Christian, then we should live it. NOT professing something we do not know, making our self a liar. It is ONLY by our love for one another that we are separated from the world. It does NOT matter what we say. It does NOT matter what we call our self, or what our verbal declaration is. Is what matters is how we live. Are we laying our lives down for others, putting away our selfish pride, or are we bitterly contesting for "what we deserve".

I know full well the things I have done in my life, and I do not want what I deserve for them. I desire mercy, for I am a horrible man who has done horrible things. I am a sinner, selfish, and destructive, and I deserve death for my sins against God and the people He placed in my life. I believe Jesus, out of love, paid the entire price for the sins I have committed. God did this because He loves us, and all we need to do is believe in the sacrifice He made for us.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."
-John 3:16

For this I am so very thankful! This amazing gift God has given us... Life, forgiveness, a clean slate, hope, and love... Freely we have received, so freely we are to give!

 

My Testimony (Part 6)

I was locked in a four man cell for about 20 hours a day while I was in Ada County, and then had the other four hours to eat, make phone calls, or socialize. I spent most of the time I was locked in the four man cell reading the Bible. Not because I was bored, and not because I wanted to pass the time. I had "passed" enough time in my life, and it was time to make it count for something. I read the Bible constantly, because I wanted what God had to offer. I wanted to know Jesus, to breath Jesus, so that I could be the man God made me to be.



Up to this point in my life, I had believed that the only things that were relevant were the things around us. I had been so focused on the material, temporal world, that I didn't know that there was something other than that. Before I would read, I would pray. I would clear myself of anything and everything. I would humble myself before God, and acknowledge that I truly knew nothing. I would then ask God to show me what He wanted me to see, to talk to me, and then I would read with the hopeful expectation that God was answering my prayers.



Remember, I had reached the end of my ropes. God showed me that it was all or nothing, and that there was no fence. Either I trusted him entirely, or I did not trust Him at all. I had taken that step, with both feet in. Either God was real, and He was going to make good on His promises, or there really was no hope for me of ever becoming the man I so desperately wanted to be. I literally expected God to move, to speak to me, and to change me. In fact, my exact prayer was "Father, I surrender. I yield myself before you entirely, and I ask you to shape me and mold me into the man you made me to be. I no longer want my will in this life, but I want your will for me. I am Yours, and I need you to be God."



God delivered over and over again. Every single time I read His word, He shook my world. I wasn't in a race, so I read slowly, purposefully, just wanting to see what I was supposed to see. I could feel the peace and presence of God as I would read. I was at such peace, and I could feel His love for me.The problem was though, that when I quit reading I could tell that I was no longer resting in that peace. I would workout or play cards, and I could tell that I was back in the flesh. Just like that. I had read a verse though that told me that it was possible to always be in God's presence.



"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."
-Galations 5:25



So, I went to God with this prayer... "Father you say that we are able to walk in the Spirit, so I am asking you to make me to walk in the Spirit. " I knew that God wouldn't ask us to do something we couldn't do, and I no longer had any confidence in my own ability. I knew I could do it, because God said I could, but I also knew that I was incapable of accomplishing it. God had to do it for me. I set out after Him, insisting on Him answering my prayer and expecting Him to bring it to fruition.

This is how God answered me... He showed me that when I would quit reading, that I was allowing myself to wander in my thoughts. When I would sit and play cards, that I would begin to think of the past or the future. The key to abiding in God's presence is to be in the moment. To stay my mind on Him, and to be focused on the present moment. He showed me that I didn't need to let my mind wander, because if I truly trust Him then such thoughts are revealed as futile.



"Open the gates, that the righteous nation which keeps the truth may enter in. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
- Isaiah 26:2-3



"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
-Matthew 6:25-34



"Now when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say. For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”
-Luke 12:11-12



" For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
-Romans 1:20-21



These verses showed me the logical application of abiding in the Spirit. God is absolutely sovereign. He PROMISES to take care of ALL of our needs. He PROMISES that He will add ALL of this other stuff to us if we will seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. If I trust God, truly taking Him at His word, then I have no need to worry about these other details. Allowing my mind to wander to other concerns is IN FACT lack of trust. He PROMISES to not only provide for me, but to also give me the words to speak.



I found so much freedom in this application, because I was able to remain in complete peace by yielding my every thought before Him. This allowed me to truly be in the moment, and to really LIVE that moment to it's fullest. I then found that I became much more observant of the things around me, and I was able to really hear what people were saying. I had no need to think of other things, if in fact I trusted God, and I could give my complete attention to the people around me.



God began to use me to reach out to the men around me. I was able to truly listen to what they had to say, and hear their needs. I began to care about their kids, their families, and could remember names. I had always said I had a memory problem, and that I just had bad short term memory. I realized through this experience that it was again my own selfishness that created the poor memory. Before learning how to abide in the Spirit, I was always thinking about my self. This obviously kept me from truly listening to anyone else. I cared more about what I was thinking about than what they were saying.



I found also that I quit judging people. For the first time in my life I was able to hear what they were saying, rather than what I thought they were saying. I was able to weigh out their words, and discern why they were saying the things they were saying. I could hear their fears, their pain, their regrets, their remorse... Then I was able to encourage them, and love them. For the first time in my life I was actually contributing to the lives around me.



As I have written this piece, I have been blessed by being given the reminder of how to return to being a vessel usable by God. I am far from perfect, and oh how I have continued to fall short and miss the mark! I just continue to get in the way. I am lured out of God's presence by my own desires, and then am rendered useless to those around me. It is a moment by moment struggle to abide in the Spirit. It is when I am not completely trusting God that I say or do things that are not conducive to me being the man God made me to be. What a great reminder this has been! When we don't trust God, in truth, then we are given over to futile thoughts, and our hearts become darkened. Salvation is truly in the moment, which means life is in the moment. May God bless us with His presence, and cause us to walk in the Spirit that we will be able to love and experience life to the fullest!

My Testimony (Part 5)

Making the choice to let go entirely of my hopes, dreams, desires, and life was difficult, but the application has been progressive. I knew that my life, as I knew, had just ended. I had no idea what lied ahead, but I knew it was necessary in order for me to become the man that my wife and kids needed me to be and I was willing to do whatever it took. I had made the choice and commitment to lay down my life, to die for my wife and kids, but now the application of such a commitment was revealed to me as a daily struggle.



I prayed and read more fervently than I had at any other point in my life. God was all I had now, and He had to deliver on His promises. He had to save me from the wretched man that I knew I was. God continued to reveal Jesus Christ to me. His love. His patience. His truth. His faithfulness. His confidence. His peace. His kindness. His forgiveness. His hope. His purpose. His discipline. His mercy. His clarity. If ever there was a man that was worth aspiring to be like, it is Jesus Christ. If I would trust God, be obedient, and follow Jesus in full surrender then I could aspire to be like Him. Jesus is the man I want to be like, and I will do whatever He tells me to do toward that end.



Though God used my family as the catalyst to bring me before Him in humility, He quickly showed me that my life was no longer driven by the things of this world. In fact, Jesus makes a very clear depiction of what was required in order for us to follow Him. In order for me to become the man I wanted so bad to be, I would indeed follow.



"Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
-Luke 14:25-33
 
I was at a point in my life where I keenly understood this. As I was seeking the face of the Living God, my desires and fears continued to surface. The thoughts of my wife being with another man were gut wrenching, and the fears of losing her were so strong at times. I was faced with the very real fear of what if she doesn't like the fact that I live for God? What if she didn't like the man I was going to be? What if she didn't like the things I stood for? It was through these fears that Jesus' words carried such truth. I had to be willing to let her go. In fact, I had to be willing to lose her if that is what it came down to. I could not let my fears of what my wife might think keep me from pursuing what I knew must be. Without me learning to live like Jesus, then I could never love like Jesus, and I would be a fool to allow my fears to prevent me from chasing after such an amazing opportunity.



I understood this from a logical perspective too. If I didn't give my wife something to respect, by standing for something and not bending to her every whim, then she would obviously have nothing to respect. Not having a back bone and giving in to her every whim does not show my love for her. It is doing the right thing, in love, for the right reasons, regardless of if she wants me to or not that shows love. It is hard to do the right thing as long as fear has any foothold. I also knew that if my life was truly modeled after Jesus, in truth and deed, then my wife would want me to be that man. That is why she was so mad at me to begin with. I had miserably failed in all the areas where Jesus set a precedence.



From here on out, this was going to have to be all about Jesus. There was no other way. I could not worry about what my wife, kids, family, or friends were going to think. I was determined. God spoke to me with other verses that told me to keep my focus on Him and not be distracted by the things of the world.



"Look to Abraham your father, And to Sarah who bore you; For I called him alone, And blessed him and increased him.”
-Isaiah 51:2



"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
-Colossians 3:2-3



As I was struggling with this constant battle within me, I found something unique that I had never before fully understood. We have the ability to take absolute control over every single thought. I had spent so much of my life being ran by my thoughts and emotions, that it was quite a new experience to be able to be in complete control of every thought all the time. If there was any thought of fear or doubt, I was able to cast it down and continue upon the course of thought I so desired. This concept is addressed in numerous places, but to experience it is almost surreal.



"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
-2 Corinthians 10:3-6



"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
-Ephesians 6:12



For the first time in my life I understood the truth and application of these verses. The battle was being waged within me. The war was full swing, and I had been losing all of these years. Though I was in a fight for my very life, I had never known it. As the thoughts of doubt and fear would come crashing against me, using the people or things that I desired most, the truths of God were all I had to keep them at bay. The truth of God, as revealed in His word and through Jesus, were the only weapon to fight away the thoughts that threatened to defeat me.



"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
-Hebrews 4:12



"Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.  Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you."
-1 Timothy 4:15-16



With this clarity, I devoured the word of God and it brought me life. I quit trying to prove myself. I quit tying to sell myself. I quit trying to figure things out on my own. I knew that it was by my actions that people would see my progress, and my words had nothing to do with that. I was not doing this to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I knew very well that the direction of my life would come with great scorn. I would be estranged from many of the people I had previously associated with, and it was a very real possibility that even my wife would not support me. These things were very clear, and I accepted the cost in order to obtain what was offered.



"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me."
-John 15:18-21



I knew well what I would go through to become the man God intended me to be, who my wife and kids need me to be. My life no longer mattered though, so I fought the battle the raged within. Relying entirely on God to protect me, to guide me, and to mold me into the man He made me to be. I prayed more, and I read more. Every word of God was relative to my life in some aspect, and I read with full expectation of God revealing His word to me. Oh how it cut and sliced through all the things I had learned and been taught. It required full surrender to be able to even see what God was saying, because what He says is always contrary to what the world says.

My Testimony (Part 2)

There I was... Sitting in jail yet again. I never imagined in a million years I would be there again. My life had changed so much since I was convicted of my felonies more than ten years earlier when I was all strung out on meth. I was trying this time, hard. How was this possible? Why couldn't I break free from this horrible cycle of defeat?



If you know me at all, then you know I am persistent, strong willed, determined, and unwilling to give up. Here I sat, in jail, with my entire life coming unraveled. Our marriage was already falling apart, but now my wife left me. I had failed the woman I loved the most, my precious children whom meant so much to me, and I did it all under a conviction that I was truly do the best I possibly could. I was not OK with the results of my efforts. In fact, they down right scared me. If I had done the best I could possibly do, and failed so miserably, then there was no hope for me. How could I possibly do more than my best?



I refused to give up though. There was no way that that was all my life was supposed to be. There had to be more! A saying that my old basketball coach, used to say came to my mind. He would tell us to push our selves. He would tell us not to give up, roll over, and pee on our self like a little puppy. I was not going to give up! I was not going to roll over and pee on my self like a little puppy!

I began to examine my life vigorously. There had to be an answer. As I began to get rid of all the excuses, all the blame, and take an honest look at who I was as a person, I found things I never knew existed. As I found these huge truths, I was absolutely dumbfounded that I could possibly have been so blind.



This was about a six week process for me, and every single day I kept looking, searching. I did not think I was going to prison, and quite honestly... That was not what was important to me. My life was on the line here. My family was on the line here. I had much bigger things to worry about than whether or not I was going to be in a time out for awhile. I knew I could have just chosen to not drink for the next two years and just be done with this retarded probation, but that wasn't the problem. My life was falling apart at the core, and me choosing to drink was simply an out showing of the mess that was going on inside. I had to find the cause, not just address the symptom.



I started to see how everything was all about me. I realized that every single man sitting in that jail had one thing in common. We were all selfish enough to end up there. Regardless of the actual crime, the root in every single instance was selfishness. That was it. How simple indeed.



I could accept I had been selfish. I knew that drinking was a violation of my probation, that my family that needed me could be deprived of me if I violated my probation, yet I chose to do it anyway. Thing is though, I had no idea how bad it really was.



I started writing a letter to the judge. I started to say how maybe I should join the military, because I obviously lacked discipline. As I was writing, I saw this for the excuse it was. I didn't lack discipline. I worked out seven days a week for the last ten years, and I was in amazing shape. Obviously I had discipline, for the things I wanted. I simply did something I knew I wasn't supposed to, just because I wanted to. That was it. No excuse. I was selfish.



In another part of the same letter, I had written that I violated my probation because I had been so depressed and just didn't care anymore. Depression is always a valid excuse for doing dumb things, and I had never been more depressed in my entire life than I had been that spring.



I began to question why I had been so depressed. My answers were that my life wasn't going how I had hoped. I was struggling financially. My wife didn't love me. I was lonely. I was hurt. As I began to give these answers, it occurred to me how every single answer was about me. The words "my","I", "me", and "mine" were in every reason. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks! My depression was just one big pity party because I was selfish, and it was all about me. Poor me! Wah! Wah! I was thoroughly disgusted with myself at this point, and I threw the letter away. I was repulsive! How dare I be so selfish.



I told my dad, while talking to him on the phone, how much I loved my wife and kids. He responded by telling me that it didn't look like it. I told my wife how much I loved her. She told me that it didn't matter how I felt. It mattered how she felt, and she didn't feel loved. These two instances occurred one after the other, and my world was rocked. How could I love as much as I knew how, yet it not even be love?



It was because I loved them only as they were relative to me. I stood in the way and kept my self from loving them unconditionally. It was all about me. I did love them as much as I possibly could while being a selfish person. I was the inhibitor. I didn't love my wife unconditionally. If I did, then I would have been able to continue to love her even when I didn't feel loved. I didn't though. I had so much anger, resentment, and hate for her because I didn't feel like she loved me. That wasn't a love that was ever about her. That was a selfish excuse for love that was all about me.



I realized then that it was selfishness that was destroying my life. It was selfishness that was keeping me from being the man I knew I could be, and it was selfishness that was keeping my family from being what it was supposed to be. I saw, for the first time in my life, the truth of the person I was. Every single problem I had ever had in my life was caused by selfishness. All of them, without exception. I knew the cause, finally, and could now determine a solution. To me, the answer was revealed in an extremely powerful, simple, and blunt way. How do you conquer selfishness? Easy... Kill yourself.

Misperception

Every single one of us that has children wants the best for them. So many times though, we become confused as to what that looks like. We believe that our children need to be put before our spouse even, and we can easily find opinions of others to support this belief. If our children learn by example, then maybe we should really reconsider our belief on this topic. It is so easy to justify our inability to love someone unconditionally, and then to say that it is better for the children if we go our separate ways. This is a justification for our selfishness and is to the detriment of our children.

In reality our desire to give up on our marriage is because we care about us, and we are unwilling to give entirely of our self in love to another person. Saying that it is better for the children is just a way for us to excuse our self, and truly has nothing to do with them. It is absolutely in the best interest of the child to grow up in a home where the parents love each other, than for them to grow up in a broken home. If we give up on our marriage, we are just teaching our children that it is OK to give up. It is not OK!

If we give up and run all the time, then we will never have anything worth any value. Our relationships will be shallow, and short lived. There will never be any depth in our lives, and we will never come to know what true love is. The love that is patient, kind, humble, gentle, faithful, that does not envy, is not proud, is not rude, is not self seeking, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things we will never come to know, because through the trials that prove and manifest such love we run when the limits of that love are being tried and stretched.

If a husband and wife will love each other unconditionally, staying committed and bound together as one, their children will be given the perfect model of what to aspire to in life. The love of the family pulsates from the love of the parents, and likewise so does the strife. If we are showing our children what commitment, love, patience, tolerance, understanding, and communication look like every single day by our interaction with our spouse, they will learn that behavior. On the other hand though... If we are showing our children what resentment, bitterness, intolerance, selfishness, unfaithfulness, lack of commitment, poor communication, and anger look like every single day by our interaction with our spouse, they will learn that behavior.

It does not take a rocket scientist to read the previous paragraph and determine which characteristics our children should learn for them to be the best person they can be. If our children are truly so important to us, then we need to love our spouse unconditionally and adhere to our commitment. We need to know that our relationship with our wife, or husband, is teaching our children all about life. Not just how to treat other people, but how to treat their spouse when that day comes. We are teaching them all about relationships, and how to deal with the people in their lives that they supposedly love.

Not only will our children exhibit this learned behavior in their lives down the road, but they exhibit the same today. Try this for 30 days. If we put away our selfish pride, our sense of entitlement, our resentments, our bitterness, and just love our spouse unconditionally for just 30 days we will be utterly surprised by the impact in our family's lives. Not only will your spouse be caught off guard, but our children will too. I know this will be hard for some of us because we are so set in our ways, but if we can just make it 30 days...

We do 30 day trials all the time. For this wait loss thing. For this body building supplement. For this money making idea... Why not for the most important thing we are given in this life? There is nothing more valuable and important in this life than those God has given us to love and care for. We will have to put all of our selfishness aside in order for us to be able to really love our spouse in a way that they will know and feel. Then, after the 30 days, we can go back to being a selfish, miserable, person if we so desire, or we may like the impact that was made and decide it is worth the self-sacrifice in order to have such a positive impact on our family.

To say that it is better for the children that a family separates is a lie, and a cop-out. The truth is that we are too selfish to love anyone else unconditionally, and since we are not willing to make the sacrifice to make things better it is easier to just run away. This does our children no favors. How much more value we add to our children's lives by showing them to never give up, keep their word, love, hope, and dream? The first and foremost relationship in a family is that of the husband and wife. Without this relationship being what it is meant to be, then all the other relationships will be strained.

If we truly care about the best interest of our children, then we will make sure that our marriage is solid and rooted in love. Then from the love we have for one another, we can raise our children together, leading and directing them in the same direction. It is the bond, love, and commitment between the husband and wife that overflow into the rest of the family. If you don't believe me, then try it over the next 30 days. Give everything you have to loving and respecting your spouse, regardless of how you may feel, and then see if your family is not different at the end of the trial.

Winds of Change

It is election time right now, and everyone is talking about how the future of the country rests on the man who is elected for president. There is no doubt about the moral and ethical depravity that permeates from our once great nation, and everyone recognized the great need for change. The problem is that we expect it to come from an outside source. We expect someone to take a leadership position, and then direct our lives via way of laws and mandates in order to get things back on track. This is ludicrous!

If we truly want to see change, guess where it MUST take place? In the home, in the family, is where the change must begin. We are where we are today as a country, not because of a single man's execution of his position, but rather because of the failure and collapse of the family institution. The change we so desperately need and desire must begin within the home. What we model for our kids is handed down to them, just as what our parents modeled was handed down to us.

Life is always in perpetual motion. Things are either getting better, or they are getting worse. As I have mentioned before, these are spiral effects that are compounded exponentially as our daily lives create ripples in the lives around us.

My heart burns for families, and I believe the man is the key to that revitalization. I believe the man is the one responsible for leading his family, and must lay down his life for them. If one man can learn to live for his family, instead of himself, then the results will be far reaching. His life will then make a profound positive impact in his wife's life, in his children's lives, and make a difference for generations.

A man that will put his pride, his desires, and his needs aside out of love for his family is a man that will be cherished and loved by his children and wife. As men though, we want the love, respect, and affection in order for us to make the sacrifices needed. This is so backwards from what is necessary, and why there are so many divorces today.

Nobody said it was going to be easy! In fact, if we were to ask anyone who has made it over 25 years being married, they would tell you it is hard work. I will say it again. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! Why do we think traditional wedding vows include "for better or worse, till death do us part"? Things will get rough. There will be times we might not feel very loved or appreciated. There might be times we feel like giving up. But we can't. It doesn't matter how sorry we feel for our self. It doesn't matter how bad it hurts. We can't be cowards! We have to be the men our families need us to be, and this requires us to get over our self.

Let's us have some real talk. As a man, we have needs that are more specific to us than to women. We have a need to be respected, and we, typically, have a stronger libido. These are some of the things that make us feel loved. Likewise, our wives have certain things that make them feel loved. Our wives need to be able to trust us. Our wives need to feel valued and appreciated. Our wives need our time, walks on the beach, conversations about nothing, time scrap booking, and nice back rubs without us trying to turning it into sexual intercourse to feed our desires.

If our wife is willing to communicate to us something that she likes, then wouldn't doing that thing for her just because it makes her happy make sense, if we love her? If our wife says that a certain thing bothers her, then it is our obligation out of love to quit that activity. End of story. Yet we don't. We justify it, argue about it, and then do it anyway. Then, on top of that, we lie about it. What? Is this really what love looks like? Why then do we do it?

We do it, because we are still living for us. We do it, because we want to do what we want. We do it, because our own desires supersede the feelings and desire of our wives. This, gentlemen, is the truth. We can spin it however we want, and justify our actions however we want, but it does not change the facts.

Part of our justification process is placing the blame on our wife. We say that our wives are too controlling, that they don’t do anything for us, that they aren’t meeting our needs, or whatever else we can think of. Thing is though, these things might well be true, so we find validity using them as excuses.

Likewise, our wives do the same thing. “Why would I want to have sex with him, when he doesn’t do anything for me?” “Every time he rubs my back, or we do anything romantic, he always makes it about sex.” They are probably right too! Imagine that. The issue is that we each start to draw back from one another, becoming more and more selfish because our own needs aren’t being met.

Men… put down the video games, and give your wives some attention. Don’t do it because you are trying to get in their pants, but do it just because it makes them happy.

Women… respect your husband, and be supportive. This might be difficult at first, but he needs it. Have sex with him, and let him enjoy your body. We are wired differently, and in such a way that in order to meet each others needs so that we feel loved we HAVE to live for the other person.

There is a solution, and this is what I mean by laying down our life as men. Women may have to do this first if your husband is not quite mature enough, but one of us will have to take the first step. We HAVE to let go of our own needs, wants, and desires and just love the other person. Do whatever it is that is necessary to make them happy, to meet their needs, and fulfill their desires. This will NOT be easy, but the failure to do this is the cause of the increasing deterioration of the family unit.

Let me share this with you. If my wife were to make me feel loved and respected, I would be all the more eager to make her feel loved and respected. Makes sense doesn’t it? It is the lack of this kind of love that causes the reverse effect. If one of the two can be strong, love the other unconditionally, and put their own life to the side, then the other will continue to grow, blossom, and reach a point where they want to return that kind of love.

Remember that we are set in perpetual motion, and all things, whether good or bad, are manifest in a spiral effect. Life requires boldness, character, discipline, sacrifice, and commitment. So the question is whether or not we have these attributes to do what must be done. Understanding the truth is one thing, but doing something about it is a whole different story. A married couple MUST live for one another if their family is to survive.

Correction

So how do we address this chronic issue we have within our self? A long time ago this vicious battle we fight was put into these words: "For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice." This is not a new battle, a new challenge. This is a plague that has been around since the first man.

We all know the person we want to be, but it is becoming that person that is lost to us. We know the husband, father, wife, or mother that we want so desperately to be. In fact, some of us believe we are that person while the truths of our life would prove otherwise. For those who say they are the person they always wanted to be... I would wonder if they have even begun the journey.

The more self aware we become, the more awake and cognitive, the more room we should realize there is for growth. We will never arrive at this moment of completeness in this life, but we should always be fighting to become better. If we are not fighting for something better, something more, then it just doesn't hurt bad enough yet, or we are dead.

Every day, every thought, every moment we will be at war with our self. The lie that we need to look out for number one, our self, is perpetuated by everything around us. Unless we make a diligent, deliberate effort to proactively live a selfless life, then the likely hood of us being able to make a selfless decision in the moment will be minimal.

What then do we do? Do we settle for defeat and accept that we can never win this battle, that we can never be the person we want to be? NEVER! We may fail, but we must continue to push forward for all that we are worth. Anything worth having, is worth fighting for.

We are each at a different point in our life, in our maturity, but ultimately we are headed towards the same goal. As we continue to push our self to our limits, we will begin to be able to accept more truths about who we are. We are not to judge or condemn one another, but rather to exhort each other. We need encouragement, love, and support so that we can continue to grow.

Every person you meet throughout your day is enduring the same struggle, the same fight, and you have an opportunity to encourage and build up, or to tear down and destroy. How we choose to treat other people is a pretty concise measurement for where we are in our own maturity. There is no better measure of where we are on our own journey than the very impact we make in the lives around us. Are we adding value to the lives around us, or are we hindering others from growing with our negativity and demeaning words?