What is it We Fight Against?

We are in a spiritual battle, and it requires us to stand in the gap for the truth. We must know the Word, the sword of truth, so that we may rightly divide it to bring down anything that raises itself against the Lord. It is crazy how the one thing we are most called to do is the thing we are least likely to do because we don't want to offend anyone.

Jeremiah 1:7-10 NKJV

But the Lord said to me: “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ For you shall go to all to whom I send you, And whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of their faces, For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord . Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me: “Behold, I have put My words in your mouth. See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, To root out and to pull down, To destroy and to throw down, To build and to plant.”

Hebrews 4:12 NKJV

For the word of God is  living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

II Timothy 2:15 NKJV

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Ephesians 6:12 NKJV

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

II Corinthians 10:4-6 NKJV

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

II Timothy 4:2-5 NKJV

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

Titus 1:13-14 NKJV

This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith, not giving heed to Jewish fables and commandments of men who turn from the truth.

Marriage

I know so many people that are going through divorce, thinking about it, or have gone through it. I want to share what God shown me about divorce.

As I sat in the Idaho private prison I found out that the woman I had married was seeing another man. My immediate response was to completely discard her and everything about her. I was just going to find someone else. About two hours after I had gotten off the phone with her, I picked up my Bible. The very first verses I read were these...

Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again.

² The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him.

³ And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?”

⁴ They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.”

⁵ And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. ⁶ But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’^[a] 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, ⁸ and the two shall become one flesh’; ^[b] so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

¹⁰ In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. ¹¹ So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. ¹² And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
-Mark 10:1-12

God is absolutely sovereign. It was no accident that I picked my Bible up after that conversation and this was the first thing I read. In these verses God showed me, with great conviction, that it was not my place to walk away from the woman God had given me to love. In fact, God showed me that the only reason why I would do such a thing would be out of pure selfishness. If it hurt too bad, or if I just couldn't forgive her (Because of the hardness of your heart), then God did allow for divorce.

However, God had brought me to a place in my life where I was changed. He had showed me that it was the call of a Christian, a true follower of Christ, to "take up our cross and follow him". Jesus bore all of the shame and pain of the cross, all the way to death, for the love He had for His Church. The church is the "bride" of Christ, and us men are to love our wives as Jesus loves the Church. I would have to take up my cross, bare the shame and pain, and pour out my life in love to the wife God had given me.

Many people ask questions about whether we were walking with God when we were married, but that is a foolish question. How does that matter? Either God is God all of the time, or He isn't. God is God all of the time. If any one of us marries another, it is because God brought us together. If God joins something, it is not His intent for that union to be broke. It is only "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept". People, men or women, walk away from a marriage ONLY out of selfishness. Period.

My love for my wife is truly for her, who she really is. I want to see her in heaven with me, which means she must come to know Jesus Christ. This has absolutely nothing to do with me. God has made me to love her. It  is His love shining through me that she will see the love of God that has changed my life. I will not pretend to know how this will all play out, but I know my God. He has shown me what I must do, and I love Him enough to do it. It is not a love in my own strength in which I am to love her, for my own love is selfish and about me. It must by in God's love, which is truly about her.

I realize that many people cannot receive this, but this is what God has to say on the subject. Things have never seemed more bleak or hopeless in regards to reconciliation with my wife than they do now. Every day, in so many ways, the temptations come to just walk away. God holds me fast though. What kind of a man would I be if I walked away and gave up on my family anyways? If you are married, then know that God has joined you to your spouse. In spirit and in body. You are now one. You need to be all in!! If you truly love that person, then they deserve your all. If you are not willing to give it, then maybe you should re-evaluate your love for them. If you are a Christian, then you are without excuse. Pick up your cross, deny your self, and love your spouse for all you are worth. After all, that is a Christian by definition. May God bless your marriages!! Fight, and fight for all you are worth.

But a Man.

I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man.

I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.

The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.

Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.

I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.

He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.

Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.

I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.

I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.

My Testimony (Part 5)

Making the choice to let go entirely of my hopes, dreams, desires, and life was difficult, but the application has been progressive. I knew that my life, as I knew, had just ended. I had no idea what lied ahead, but I knew it was necessary in order for me to become the man that my wife and kids needed me to be and I was willing to do whatever it took. I had made the choice and commitment to lay down my life, to die for my wife and kids, but now the application of such a commitment was revealed to me as a daily struggle.



I prayed and read more fervently than I had at any other point in my life. God was all I had now, and He had to deliver on His promises. He had to save me from the wretched man that I knew I was. God continued to reveal Jesus Christ to me. His love. His patience. His truth. His faithfulness. His confidence. His peace. His kindness. His forgiveness. His hope. His purpose. His discipline. His mercy. His clarity. If ever there was a man that was worth aspiring to be like, it is Jesus Christ. If I would trust God, be obedient, and follow Jesus in full surrender then I could aspire to be like Him. Jesus is the man I want to be like, and I will do whatever He tells me to do toward that end.



Though God used my family as the catalyst to bring me before Him in humility, He quickly showed me that my life was no longer driven by the things of this world. In fact, Jesus makes a very clear depiction of what was required in order for us to follow Him. In order for me to become the man I wanted so bad to be, I would indeed follow.



"Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’? Or what king, going to make war against another king, does not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks conditions of peace. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."
-Luke 14:25-33
 
I was at a point in my life where I keenly understood this. As I was seeking the face of the Living God, my desires and fears continued to surface. The thoughts of my wife being with another man were gut wrenching, and the fears of losing her were so strong at times. I was faced with the very real fear of what if she doesn't like the fact that I live for God? What if she didn't like the man I was going to be? What if she didn't like the things I stood for? It was through these fears that Jesus' words carried such truth. I had to be willing to let her go. In fact, I had to be willing to lose her if that is what it came down to. I could not let my fears of what my wife might think keep me from pursuing what I knew must be. Without me learning to live like Jesus, then I could never love like Jesus, and I would be a fool to allow my fears to prevent me from chasing after such an amazing opportunity.



I understood this from a logical perspective too. If I didn't give my wife something to respect, by standing for something and not bending to her every whim, then she would obviously have nothing to respect. Not having a back bone and giving in to her every whim does not show my love for her. It is doing the right thing, in love, for the right reasons, regardless of if she wants me to or not that shows love. It is hard to do the right thing as long as fear has any foothold. I also knew that if my life was truly modeled after Jesus, in truth and deed, then my wife would want me to be that man. That is why she was so mad at me to begin with. I had miserably failed in all the areas where Jesus set a precedence.



From here on out, this was going to have to be all about Jesus. There was no other way. I could not worry about what my wife, kids, family, or friends were going to think. I was determined. God spoke to me with other verses that told me to keep my focus on Him and not be distracted by the things of the world.



"Look to Abraham your father, And to Sarah who bore you; For I called him alone, And blessed him and increased him.”
-Isaiah 51:2



"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
-Colossians 3:2-3



As I was struggling with this constant battle within me, I found something unique that I had never before fully understood. We have the ability to take absolute control over every single thought. I had spent so much of my life being ran by my thoughts and emotions, that it was quite a new experience to be able to be in complete control of every thought all the time. If there was any thought of fear or doubt, I was able to cast it down and continue upon the course of thought I so desired. This concept is addressed in numerous places, but to experience it is almost surreal.



"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
-2 Corinthians 10:3-6



"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
-Ephesians 6:12



For the first time in my life I understood the truth and application of these verses. The battle was being waged within me. The war was full swing, and I had been losing all of these years. Though I was in a fight for my very life, I had never known it. As the thoughts of doubt and fear would come crashing against me, using the people or things that I desired most, the truths of God were all I had to keep them at bay. The truth of God, as revealed in His word and through Jesus, were the only weapon to fight away the thoughts that threatened to defeat me.



"For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
-Hebrews 4:12



"Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.  Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you."
-1 Timothy 4:15-16



With this clarity, I devoured the word of God and it brought me life. I quit trying to prove myself. I quit tying to sell myself. I quit trying to figure things out on my own. I knew that it was by my actions that people would see my progress, and my words had nothing to do with that. I was not doing this to prove anything to anyone. In fact, I knew very well that the direction of my life would come with great scorn. I would be estranged from many of the people I had previously associated with, and it was a very real possibility that even my wife would not support me. These things were very clear, and I accepted the cost in order to obtain what was offered.



"If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will keep yours also. But all these things they will do to you for My name’s sake, because they do not know Him who sent Me."
-John 15:18-21



I knew well what I would go through to become the man God intended me to be, who my wife and kids need me to be. My life no longer mattered though, so I fought the battle the raged within. Relying entirely on God to protect me, to guide me, and to mold me into the man He made me to be. I prayed more, and I read more. Every word of God was relative to my life in some aspect, and I read with full expectation of God revealing His word to me. Oh how it cut and sliced through all the things I had learned and been taught. It required full surrender to be able to even see what God was saying, because what He says is always contrary to what the world says.

Acceptance

As we begin to see our self for who we really are, we stand at a crossroad. How easy it is to simply say that we aren't as bad as so and so. Remember though... This process is about us, not anyone else.

Part of the mold we have to break, the new thinking we MUST exercise, is to quit finding blame and to start finding SELF. It is not other people that are causing havoc in our lives. It is us that are responsible for where we are. It doesn't matter at all how we compare to another person, because we are NOT talking about their life here.

However, if we can see our failures for what they are, we then have an opportunity to change them. We have thus been able to define the problem acutely, so we can now come up with a solution. If only we could get rid of selfishness, we would be able to be the person we so desperately want to be. We would be able to love those in our life who need us so badly in such away that they would never wonder how much they mean to us.

Think about this logically. If you were loved in such away that you knew it, you could feel it, how much of a positive impact would that have in your life? Don't you want that for the people you love? Don't you want to be the wife your husband needs and wants? Don't you want to be the husband your wife needs and wants? Don't you want to be the parent your children need? Their life depends on it!

Whatever we have been doing so far is not getting us to where we want to be, so are we willing to try something different? If we continue to do what we have always done, we will continue to get what we have always got.

What I present to you is nothing new, but maybe you are finally at a place in your life where it will make more sense. People call it "The Golden Rule". Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This term has since been termed "The Golden Rule."

The concept is simple enough, but it is the application that proves to be difficult. It requires clear intent, continually, to be able to put this concept into practice. Simple application would be lying. Nobody likes to be lied to, but how often do we lie to others? The logical application is to obviously quit lying, yet that tendency is always there. The reason? Because we can justify our actions and behavior whenever we want to. We can say that it is none of their business. We can say that we just don't want to deal with it right now. We can say whatever we want to, and be more than justified in our own eyes.

Read that last paragraph again. Do you see that EVERY single excuse is selfish in nature? Not one of them has anything to do with the other person! We have the capacity to rationalize and justify absolutely ANYTHING we want to. This we MUST firmly grasp as we fight to take control of our thoughts and life.

Everyone is right in his own eyes. This, my friends, is the next huge step to breaking free of the chains that enslave us. We MUST realize that not only are we THE problem, but we are going to present the biggest hurtle we will face in the pursuit of the life we know is possible. We are in a fight for our life, and we are the one responsible for the losses accrued so far. You are about to take yourself head on into the biggest struggle you will ever face. You are going to have to fight, and conquer, your greatest adversary... YOURSELF!

Now what?

As we begin to see the destruction and pain that our own selfishness has spawned over the course of our lives, we should feel a great sense of remorse. This is a natural occurrence. If we are truly accepting accountability for the consequences of our actions, and if we care at all about those people we have hurt, then we should feel the burden of regret. Don'tm run from this, and do not minimize it in order to avoid the personal pain and reality of what we have done in our life. Yes... We are responsible, and yes we have hurt a great deal of people.

It is not our perception that is relevant at this point. It does not matter if we think we were right. It does not even matter if we were right. It does not matter if we can validate or justify our actions. This is a time of truth, reflection, and seeing things from another person's perspective. Here is a perfect example of our natural tendency...

A husband and wife, who obviously have made a commitment to love one another, often exhibit behavior that is damaging to one another. A man and a woman are so different from one another, that it requires great mutual effort in communication to continue to grow together. Since the woman DOES not think like her husband, he is going to have to be patient with her when trying to convey his thoughts and feelings. He may get frustrated though, maybe even angry, and may even say hurtful things to his wife. He might tell her she is dumb or that she just never gets it, and he may feel more than justified in feeling the way he does. He probably even believes that it is her that is the problem.

So far, this situation is subjective. We need to look at things objectively, in a simple matter of fact perspective. If we love someone, why would we ever want to belittle them and make them feel stupid? Yet alone tell them such! Isn't that an oxymoron? We do it all the time though, and don't even realize it. This is a toxic situation. As the husband continues the emotional and mental abuse of his wife, she will begin to withdraw. She will lose her desire to even talk with her husband out of fear of being attacked, and feeling put down.

To objectively look at situations in our lives, we need to remove "us" from the picture. Better yet, if we can, put our self in the other person's shoes. Do you think this man's wife feels loved when he treats her like that? Does the fact that he believes he should be easier to understand give credibility to his cruel and hurtful attack on his wife? If this man really loves his wife, wouldn't the proper behavior to be exhibited toward her be one of patience and tolerance? So why would anyone treat somebody they love in such a way?

We can give all kinds of minor "surface" reasons, but the root is ALWAYS selfishness. We could say that the other person just never gets it, and we just get tired of trying. That root is selfishness. We could say that they have done so many hurtful things to me, so I just don't care anymore. That root is selfishness.

This realization was manifest in my life in a very profound way in the summer of 2010. I remember telling my wife, "I love you so much!" Her response forever changed my world. She told me, "It doesn't matter how you feel. It matters how I feel, and I don't feel loved." Wow! How true was that! How can we possibly love people as much as we can, and yet they still don't feel loved? If we love someone, shouldn't them knowing and feeling that love be the natural byproduct? If they don't feel loved, then that should raise the question to whether we really love them or not. If we do really love them, then what is preventing us from loving them in such a way that they know it and feel it?  It is because we are not seeing things objectively, but rather only subjectively through our own selfish reality. We love ourself more.

Now what do you see? How many things are there throughout our lives where we have brutally hurt and attacked people in our lives, leaving deep wounds and pain? Our wives, our husbands, our children, our friends, our brothers, and our sisters have all suffered due to our selfishness. None of us are perfect, and none of us can say that we don't exhibit selfish behavior. This is the beginning.

Do not be overwhelmed with the regret, as genuine love and compassion will demand that we have great remorse. If we don't feel the weight, then one of two things is happening. Either we are not accepting accountability, or we are so cold and calloused that we no longer allow our self to feel. If we do not allow our self to feel, to open up and be real, then we can never move forward from where we are. Nobody will ever be able to get in to love us, and we will never be able to love. If our heart is broken from the pain of our failures, then there is great hope us! We are at the only place that true change happens. The point of brokeness and acceptance that finally makes us ready to move forward. Let it resenate within us, for this deep feeling is going to be the very catalyst that we will use to push us to limits never before thought possible. The truth of the pain we have caused, the desire to change it, and the willingness to do whatever it takes to make things different. Does it hurt bad enough that we are willing to do whatever it takes to set things right?

Drive

Most people want more from life, but unfortunately they are unsure how to bring their hopes and dreams to fruition. People tend to give up on ever expecting more than what they have, and as a result they live a miserable existence. I want to talk about that step. The step of change that most of us seem unable to take.

"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." - King Solomon. As I mentioned in my first blog, we always assume change is external. That is a lie. Change is done internally. It begins with how we think, and our thoughts become manifest through our actions. I will give some clear examples...

You and I could go to the gym together. We could have worked out for the same amount of time in our life. We could eat the same foods, and take the same supplements. I promise you though, that if my mind set is fixed on the goal, and yours isn't, my results will far supersede yours.

All the time I see people post things about getting in shape, losing weight, or getting healthier in general. The idea is great, but how to make those goals a reality most people just don't have. We all have the capacity, but it takes commitment, determination, and willingness to make sacrifices to manifest that capacity.

We are a docile people. We are lazy and complacent in general. We must fight to be alive, or accept that we will simply survive from day to day. Most of us don't realize that we are headed somewhere. We are never stagnant. Either we are progressively improving, or we are progressively deteriorating. There is no middle ground.

Just as a person starts to become depressed, they become lethargic, eating habits worsen, weight starts coming on, and health starts decreasing is a downward spiral, so is it when a person becomes energized, they begin to eat better, they start getting in shape, and their health gets better. You don't just change one aspect of your life. You change your life, and then the aspects change!!

Does life hurt bad enough, that you are finally at a place where you are willing to do whatever it takes to reach higher levels, or are you still perfectly content being apathetic? If you don't want to hear what I have to say, then you don't have to keep reading. If you want more, and you are ready to push yourself, then spend some time thinking. Examine yourself. Are you REALLY willing to do whatever it takes?

Where to look?

Too easily we look around us, searching for something to place blame on for the way things are. We want to blame this person, or that person, for the way they treat us and the way we feel. We look at things external, and make them liable for things which are happening internally. How is this logical? A person thinks things will be better when they have more money, when they move, or when they meet Mr./Mrs. Right. The idea that a person's life is contingent upon anything external is a fallacy. Two people could experience the same situation, but both of them have a different perception. This perception is what gives credibility and justification to their emotions. It is the internal analysis, thought process, which determines the direction and outcome of a person's life...

I am new to writing, but I have been given something that I must share. I have a burning desire to encourage people, build them up, and see them live a life worth living. My heart bares a great burden for families, and I believe men are the key. Many people worry about changing the world, or the country, and I do agree that changes need to be made, but I believe change is accomplished one person at a time. It is to this end that I am persuaded to share the things I know with others who want to listen. One life impacts an exponential amount of people, for better or worse. I want to make a difference.

The things I will share are my personal experience, and my own struggles. None of this is hypothetical. I know these things, because I have lived them. All of my life I have pushed to be the best I could be. I wanted to be rich. I wanted to be good at basketball. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to be happy. I chased after these things that I thought would bring fulfillment to my life, but I always found that once I had closed my hand around my desire that it was not what I was hoping... So I kept searching.

I would change this thing, or that thing, expecting some amazing result. I have changed everything around me, but I could never attain what I was so desperately seeking... I had three serious relationships in my life, but all three failed. They were all three completely different women, and I was the only common denominator. I realized at this point that the problems in my life were internal, that I was the problem. This was the first step to being able to become who I am today. I had to know what the problem was before I could fix it, and I had tried to place that blame on everything else except me. Once I began to examine who I was, I could begin to ascertain what I had to do to make things better.

Listen. If you are in a place in your life where it hurts bad enough for you to do something about it, then I can share some amazing things with you. The very fact you just read this says a lot about what you want out of life. Are you willing to look at yourself? Are you willing to put in some work, and accept some truths? If you want change bad enough, and you are willing to do whatever it takes, then you can achieve anything.