But a Man.

I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man.

I dream though. I see my children, and I am moved with such compassion. Can I ever be all that they need? I want to be, and so I dream big. I see the woman who I love, and every time I see her I am reminded of how much I love her. Can I ever be the man she needs me to be? I want to, and so I dream big.

The bar seems so high, for I am but a man. How can I ever be who they deserve? Can I ever make right the wrongs I have done? Can I ever heal the wounds I made, and the scars I have left? Every day I struggle. Every day I fail in one area after another. I look in the mirror, and there I am... But a man.

Yet I dream. I know there is a way. I know I can do more. I know I can give more. I will not quit. I will not stop. Though I fail, though I am but a man, I will not give up! I dream bigger, and I push harder. They deserve it. They need it. There has to be hope even though I am but a man. So I fight harder, give more, and dream bigger.

I know I am but a man, but I know God is God. I may not be able to reach the bar I see, but I believe my God can bring me closer than I ever could get on my own. He created everything out of nothing. Spoke the universe into existence as a literal single spoken sentence. Is there anything too difficult for Him? So I dream big, I hope big, and I trust in Him.

He created each of us with a unique purpose, placed eternity in our hearts that we should seek Him, and has called us to a destiny that we will fulfill. Though I am but a man, my God is greater than all. The summation He gives of Himself is "I AM". The alpha and the omega. The beginning and the end. If there is any way for me to bring my dreams to fruition, the dreams of but a man, it is by the power and Spirit of the great "I AM". So I dream bigger. I push harder. I give more. I set out with all I am worth, pursuing Him who alone has the power to fulfill my hearts greatest desires.

Though I am but a man, my heart's desires are pure. I want to be everything my children need and deserve, for them. Because of them. For them. It is not about me, but about them. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man. I want to be everything this special woman needs and deserves, for her. It is not about me, but about her. My purpose is pure and in love, but I am still but a man.

I believe that my God can make me who I need to be. I believe nothing is impossible for the One who holds all things together by the power of His Word. The One who, if He were to gather His breath unto Himself all things would turn to dust, is able to accomplish what I, being but a man, could never do alone. In Him I hope. In Him I trust. Before Him I lie prostrate upon the ground, and I cry. I do not cry tears of pity, but rather I cry tears of love and hope. The great "I AM" came for us. He came down as but a man, and He gave His life in great suffering and humiliation that we, being but men, could come to Him to make us whole again.

I know what I deserve, for I am a sinful man, and yet God gives me mercy and grace. I am but a man. I struggle with pride. I struggle with commitment. I struggle with fear. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with lying. I struggle with integrity. I struggle with my desires. I know who I am. I am but a man. I know who God is though. So, though I am but a man, I strive harder, I hope more, I dream bigger, I give more, I fight harder, and I will NEVER give up! Though the bar is high, and I may never be able to be everything I would like to offer to my children and this special woman, my confidence does NOT rest in me, for I am but a man, but my confidence rest in Him who loved me enough to give His life for me. In this I know that though I am but a man, God will make sure it is enough and He will fill in where I have fallen short. He is faithful and will indeed finish what He has started, even though I am but a man.

Winds of Change

It is election time right now, and everyone is talking about how the future of the country rests on the man who is elected for president. There is no doubt about the moral and ethical depravity that permeates from our once great nation, and everyone recognized the great need for change. The problem is that we expect it to come from an outside source. We expect someone to take a leadership position, and then direct our lives via way of laws and mandates in order to get things back on track. This is ludicrous!

If we truly want to see change, guess where it MUST take place? In the home, in the family, is where the change must begin. We are where we are today as a country, not because of a single man's execution of his position, but rather because of the failure and collapse of the family institution. The change we so desperately need and desire must begin within the home. What we model for our kids is handed down to them, just as what our parents modeled was handed down to us.

Life is always in perpetual motion. Things are either getting better, or they are getting worse. As I have mentioned before, these are spiral effects that are compounded exponentially as our daily lives create ripples in the lives around us.

My heart burns for families, and I believe the man is the key to that revitalization. I believe the man is the one responsible for leading his family, and must lay down his life for them. If one man can learn to live for his family, instead of himself, then the results will be far reaching. His life will then make a profound positive impact in his wife's life, in his children's lives, and make a difference for generations.

A man that will put his pride, his desires, and his needs aside out of love for his family is a man that will be cherished and loved by his children and wife. As men though, we want the love, respect, and affection in order for us to make the sacrifices needed. This is so backwards from what is necessary, and why there are so many divorces today.

Nobody said it was going to be easy! In fact, if we were to ask anyone who has made it over 25 years being married, they would tell you it is hard work. I will say it again. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! Why do we think traditional wedding vows include "for better or worse, till death do us part"? Things will get rough. There will be times we might not feel very loved or appreciated. There might be times we feel like giving up. But we can't. It doesn't matter how sorry we feel for our self. It doesn't matter how bad it hurts. We can't be cowards! We have to be the men our families need us to be, and this requires us to get over our self.

Let's us have some real talk. As a man, we have needs that are more specific to us than to women. We have a need to be respected, and we, typically, have a stronger libido. These are some of the things that make us feel loved. Likewise, our wives have certain things that make them feel loved. Our wives need to be able to trust us. Our wives need to feel valued and appreciated. Our wives need our time, walks on the beach, conversations about nothing, time scrap booking, and nice back rubs without us trying to turning it into sexual intercourse to feed our desires.

If our wife is willing to communicate to us something that she likes, then wouldn't doing that thing for her just because it makes her happy make sense, if we love her? If our wife says that a certain thing bothers her, then it is our obligation out of love to quit that activity. End of story. Yet we don't. We justify it, argue about it, and then do it anyway. Then, on top of that, we lie about it. What? Is this really what love looks like? Why then do we do it?

We do it, because we are still living for us. We do it, because we want to do what we want. We do it, because our own desires supersede the feelings and desire of our wives. This, gentlemen, is the truth. We can spin it however we want, and justify our actions however we want, but it does not change the facts.

Part of our justification process is placing the blame on our wife. We say that our wives are too controlling, that they don’t do anything for us, that they aren’t meeting our needs, or whatever else we can think of. Thing is though, these things might well be true, so we find validity using them as excuses.

Likewise, our wives do the same thing. “Why would I want to have sex with him, when he doesn’t do anything for me?” “Every time he rubs my back, or we do anything romantic, he always makes it about sex.” They are probably right too! Imagine that. The issue is that we each start to draw back from one another, becoming more and more selfish because our own needs aren’t being met.

Men… put down the video games, and give your wives some attention. Don’t do it because you are trying to get in their pants, but do it just because it makes them happy.

Women… respect your husband, and be supportive. This might be difficult at first, but he needs it. Have sex with him, and let him enjoy your body. We are wired differently, and in such a way that in order to meet each others needs so that we feel loved we HAVE to live for the other person.

There is a solution, and this is what I mean by laying down our life as men. Women may have to do this first if your husband is not quite mature enough, but one of us will have to take the first step. We HAVE to let go of our own needs, wants, and desires and just love the other person. Do whatever it is that is necessary to make them happy, to meet their needs, and fulfill their desires. This will NOT be easy, but the failure to do this is the cause of the increasing deterioration of the family unit.

Let me share this with you. If my wife were to make me feel loved and respected, I would be all the more eager to make her feel loved and respected. Makes sense doesn’t it? It is the lack of this kind of love that causes the reverse effect. If one of the two can be strong, love the other unconditionally, and put their own life to the side, then the other will continue to grow, blossom, and reach a point where they want to return that kind of love.

Remember that we are set in perpetual motion, and all things, whether good or bad, are manifest in a spiral effect. Life requires boldness, character, discipline, sacrifice, and commitment. So the question is whether or not we have these attributes to do what must be done. Understanding the truth is one thing, but doing something about it is a whole different story. A married couple MUST live for one another if their family is to survive.

Objective Evaluation

Why do we become annoyed with our loved ones? How is it that we can so easily be short with our spouse and children? These things happen to all of us, just some more than others. How come the ones we love sometimes tend to get the worst from us?

There are so many moments throughout the day that present opportunities for us to show those we love how much they really mean to us. Unfortunately we are blind to a lot of them. When our daughter is trying so diligently to get our attention while we are busy cooking or talking on the phone, or when our son is trying so hard to get our attention while we are watching the football game. These are golden opportunities for us to quit what we are doing, give our child our undivided attention, & let them know that they are more important to us than whatever "thing" we might have been doing.

Unfortunately though, in most cases, we show them just the opposite. We show them that whatever "thing" we might be doing is more important than them by either ignoring them, or give them a half-ass acknowledgement. This is obviously not intentional, since we all love our children, but this is definitely what we are showing them.

Actions speak louder than words, & we all know this to be true. We tell our children not to swear, but then we go & do it. What does the child do? Like father, like son. We tell our daughters that it doesn't matter what other people think of them, then we talk about how fat we are. What does our daughter learn? That it is important what other people think of us.

There is enough crap in this world already setting a horrible path for our children, the last thing we need to do is enforce it. It doesn't matter what we have, or don't have, yet we give everything we can into competing with the Jones'. The way we dress, the way we talk, the way we respond... All of these things our children are observing, & absorbing. We can't kid our selves. Our children will grow up to be EXACTLY like us.

Great responsibility rest on our shoulders as parents. If we truly want the best for our children, then we have to model it for them. We need to just take a long, hard, look at our self in the mirror, & ask if this is truly the life we want to give to our children. Most of us want our kids to marry a great spouse, be loved, have children, & enjoy a life of love & happiness.

We so readily give up on family & marriages, stress over money, and live a life short of what we want our children to have. We are setting the example. We are setting the bar. Our daughters will grow up looking for a man just like us, because we are showing them what a man looks like. Our sons will grow up and treat women how we treat women, because we are showing them how a man is supposed to act. Our daughters will grow up and treat their husband just like their mom has taught them, and our sons will grow up and look for a woman just like what mom has shown him a woman should be.

If we want the best for our children, we HAVE to SHOW them what that looks like. This requires us to quit looking at life through our narrow, selfish, perspective, and start to see things through a much different scope. Our innocent children's futures hinge on our every day life. What example are we setting for them today?

Selfish

By this point, we have come to a clear acceptance of who we are as a person. We have put aside all of the excuses, all of the blame, all of the justification, and we are able to see the bare truth. Now, for the first time in our lives we are able to give a concise, non-bias, definition of who we are. We are selfish by nature. We are liars. We are manipulators. We are hurtful, and inconsiderate. We live for our self.

Even our love for our wife, husband, or children can be distorted by the love of our self. The world tells us, "You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else." This is a lie that simply perpetuates the self serving nature that writhes within us. No wonder our world continues to deteriorate around us at an alarming rate. Everything around us feeds the pride and lies of our self delusion. "Be strong!" "You deserve this!" "You deserve that!" "You have to love yourself first!" "Make sure you are happy first!" However, the real problem is that we love our self TOO MUCH!

We don't generally hear this shared though, and you know why? Everyone is out to make a buck, and guess what people pay the most for? What they want to hear. This is not what we want to hear though, because truth hardly ever is.

If selfishness is the cause of every single problem in our life, then wouldn't it make sense that if we could get rid of selfishness that we could change our life dramatically? So then, how do we conquer such an innate characteristic that we have allowed to dictate our entire life to this point?

The first step is realizing how much of a hold this disgusting plague has on us. I am going to challenge you to begin examining your thoughts throughout the day. Why do we think the way we do, and what is it we spend most of our time thinking about? We will find that we spend over 95% of our time thinking about our self. What we want, need... Even if we are thinking about something other than us it is ONLY because it is relevant to us in some way. Isn't that crazy!

Book after book has been written on "How to Win Friends & Influence People" based on using this self-centered attribute to appeal to a person's ego and pride in order to persuade and befriend them. Why do you think these sale tactics work so well? Wouldn't the success of such books and tactics give even more validity to the depth of the selfishness that abounds within each of us? Here is where most of us only feed the love of our self even more...

We come to the conclusion that most people are truly selfish, but it is others and not our self. We begin to point the finger at others rather than taking the opportunity to look at us. We judge others based on our limited experience and knowledge, and then condemn them because they don't do things the way we think they should. Selfishness to the very core!! Yet we are so blinded by our self delusion that we never even see it unless it is pointed out to us, and even then our tendency is to become defensive and put up our walls to keep from being hurt by the truth.

If it is true that other people are self centered, we shouldn't lie to our self and say that we are an exception. We are ALL self centered by nature. It is innate. As we settle with this fact, or at least open our self to the possibility, we will see it manifested in our daily life. Examine your thoughts, evaluate your motives for the things you say and do, and you determine for yourself what the driving force is behind what you do.

This is the next step, and we cannot skip it. We have to see how much this impacts our lives. It is not just in the big areas that brought us such remorse and regret, but rather is within EVERY single thought, ALL day long. Even when we drown out the reality of life by watching TV, playing games, or doing some other activity for AMUSEMENT, this too is selfish behavior because we usually do these things at the expense of those in our life who need our time and attention. This is serious business, but nobody ever talks about it.

What we have been doing is obviously not working. What the world has been sharing, teaching, and preaching is obviously not working. It is time to quit sugar coating things, and get serious.
I know this is hard to hear, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. Start to examine yourself daily. If we are willing to be honest with our self, we will see it in everything we do.

Look Deeper!

This process is not a simple reflection. We are going to have to take time, and put in effort to be able to see things for what they really are. Don't give up! In the world we live in today, most of us don't think. We just don't know how, because we haven't been taught. Instead of owning and controlling our thoughts, we tend to be docile and allow things to own us.

Think about all the things we do for amusement. Watching TV, playing games, texting, and watching movies are all perfect examples. Think about how much time the average person spends in front of a television watching meaningless shows about nothing. Hours are lost just absorbing another person's ideas and propaganda, and most of the content viewed does not promote any real processing of the information. We just suck it up like a sponge. Our minds are weak and darkened by the lack of use.

Muse means "to think". The word amusement literally means "to not think". If we spend so much time not thinking, is it really any wonder that we are not used to the exertion of thought? The evolution theory states that we are getting bigger, better, and smarter. I believe the opposite is true. We are getting dumber, weaker, and more lethargic. Things are not getting better. We continue to become technologically advanced, but that is to our own demise. We no longer think for ourselves, so how can that be an improvement?

Our mind is a muscle. If we don't exercise it, can we really expect it to function at its fullest capacity? What happens when we don't lift weights, when we don't put our muscles to use? They become weak and only operate within the parameter of their frequent application. In order to increase the use and ability of our muscles, we MUST exercise them. We don't just wake up one day and find that we can lift much more than we previously could. It is a process which requires hard work, discipline, and commitment to achieve desired gains. This process of becoming cognitively aware, my friends, is the same in nature. After all, we are talking about a muscle.

As we are examining our self, our life, we need to consider something that will help us see things you have missed in the past. As we begin to accept truths about life, about who we are, we begin to realize that EVERY single thing that has ever gone wrong in our lives are ALL a direct result of selfishness. Think about this for a minute. When our pride is hurt, we respond irrationally by saying or doing things that are contrary to what we want out of life. We say hurtful things to our wife, or yell at our kids when "we" feel hurt or overwhelmed. We do something that could be harmful to another person, physically or emotionally, because we aren't thinking about them. We are only thinking about us.

This is fact. Every single one of us falls into this category. This is innate behavior for all of us, though the extent obviously varies by the person. We may even do compassionate things at times for others, but the selfishness thrives deep within us. We must come to terms with this truth before we can move forward. EVERYTHING is all about us, and herein lies the core of our problems. Why would we lie to someone we love, hence showing such blatant disrespect? Because we don't really care how we hurt that person. We care about us more. Why would you cheat on the person you love, whether it is physically, emotional, or just in your mind? Because we are putting our needs or desires before our spouse's needs and desires.

Can you see it? Does this make sense? Why do we do what we do? I promise you that it is because "it is all about us". So often people are depressed, unmotivated, and hopeless. The institutions of our world will tell us that it is because of some event, or some other person, and tell us that we are validated in our current state of mind. That is a lie. These symptoms are a RESULT of OUR response to some event, or some other person. Depression... Lack of Motivation... Hopelessness... These are huge hurtles for someone to overcome, especially if we can't even see the cause.

All three of these states of being exist because of selfishness. They are simply the manifestation of a big pity party we are having for our self because of something that happened. Poor us. Poor me. We MUST come to a true and clear perspective of who we are, and why we are that way, BEFORE we can do anything about it. Look deeper! Keep searching! Get rid of the excuses, the blame, the justification, and get real with our selves! Our lives depends on it.

Drive

Most people want more from life, but unfortunately they are unsure how to bring their hopes and dreams to fruition. People tend to give up on ever expecting more than what they have, and as a result they live a miserable existence. I want to talk about that step. The step of change that most of us seem unable to take.

"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." - King Solomon. As I mentioned in my first blog, we always assume change is external. That is a lie. Change is done internally. It begins with how we think, and our thoughts become manifest through our actions. I will give some clear examples...

You and I could go to the gym together. We could have worked out for the same amount of time in our life. We could eat the same foods, and take the same supplements. I promise you though, that if my mind set is fixed on the goal, and yours isn't, my results will far supersede yours.

All the time I see people post things about getting in shape, losing weight, or getting healthier in general. The idea is great, but how to make those goals a reality most people just don't have. We all have the capacity, but it takes commitment, determination, and willingness to make sacrifices to manifest that capacity.

We are a docile people. We are lazy and complacent in general. We must fight to be alive, or accept that we will simply survive from day to day. Most of us don't realize that we are headed somewhere. We are never stagnant. Either we are progressively improving, or we are progressively deteriorating. There is no middle ground.

Just as a person starts to become depressed, they become lethargic, eating habits worsen, weight starts coming on, and health starts decreasing is a downward spiral, so is it when a person becomes energized, they begin to eat better, they start getting in shape, and their health gets better. You don't just change one aspect of your life. You change your life, and then the aspects change!!

Does life hurt bad enough, that you are finally at a place where you are willing to do whatever it takes to reach higher levels, or are you still perfectly content being apathetic? If you don't want to hear what I have to say, then you don't have to keep reading. If you want more, and you are ready to push yourself, then spend some time thinking. Examine yourself. Are you REALLY willing to do whatever it takes?