Winds of Change

It is election time right now, and everyone is talking about how the future of the country rests on the man who is elected for president. There is no doubt about the moral and ethical depravity that permeates from our once great nation, and everyone recognized the great need for change. The problem is that we expect it to come from an outside source. We expect someone to take a leadership position, and then direct our lives via way of laws and mandates in order to get things back on track. This is ludicrous!

If we truly want to see change, guess where it MUST take place? In the home, in the family, is where the change must begin. We are where we are today as a country, not because of a single man's execution of his position, but rather because of the failure and collapse of the family institution. The change we so desperately need and desire must begin within the home. What we model for our kids is handed down to them, just as what our parents modeled was handed down to us.

Life is always in perpetual motion. Things are either getting better, or they are getting worse. As I have mentioned before, these are spiral effects that are compounded exponentially as our daily lives create ripples in the lives around us.

My heart burns for families, and I believe the man is the key to that revitalization. I believe the man is the one responsible for leading his family, and must lay down his life for them. If one man can learn to live for his family, instead of himself, then the results will be far reaching. His life will then make a profound positive impact in his wife's life, in his children's lives, and make a difference for generations.

A man that will put his pride, his desires, and his needs aside out of love for his family is a man that will be cherished and loved by his children and wife. As men though, we want the love, respect, and affection in order for us to make the sacrifices needed. This is so backwards from what is necessary, and why there are so many divorces today.

Nobody said it was going to be easy! In fact, if we were to ask anyone who has made it over 25 years being married, they would tell you it is hard work. I will say it again. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! Why do we think traditional wedding vows include "for better or worse, till death do us part"? Things will get rough. There will be times we might not feel very loved or appreciated. There might be times we feel like giving up. But we can't. It doesn't matter how sorry we feel for our self. It doesn't matter how bad it hurts. We can't be cowards! We have to be the men our families need us to be, and this requires us to get over our self.

Let's us have some real talk. As a man, we have needs that are more specific to us than to women. We have a need to be respected, and we, typically, have a stronger libido. These are some of the things that make us feel loved. Likewise, our wives have certain things that make them feel loved. Our wives need to be able to trust us. Our wives need to feel valued and appreciated. Our wives need our time, walks on the beach, conversations about nothing, time scrap booking, and nice back rubs without us trying to turning it into sexual intercourse to feed our desires.

If our wife is willing to communicate to us something that she likes, then wouldn't doing that thing for her just because it makes her happy make sense, if we love her? If our wife says that a certain thing bothers her, then it is our obligation out of love to quit that activity. End of story. Yet we don't. We justify it, argue about it, and then do it anyway. Then, on top of that, we lie about it. What? Is this really what love looks like? Why then do we do it?

We do it, because we are still living for us. We do it, because we want to do what we want. We do it, because our own desires supersede the feelings and desire of our wives. This, gentlemen, is the truth. We can spin it however we want, and justify our actions however we want, but it does not change the facts.

Part of our justification process is placing the blame on our wife. We say that our wives are too controlling, that they don’t do anything for us, that they aren’t meeting our needs, or whatever else we can think of. Thing is though, these things might well be true, so we find validity using them as excuses.

Likewise, our wives do the same thing. “Why would I want to have sex with him, when he doesn’t do anything for me?” “Every time he rubs my back, or we do anything romantic, he always makes it about sex.” They are probably right too! Imagine that. The issue is that we each start to draw back from one another, becoming more and more selfish because our own needs aren’t being met.

Men… put down the video games, and give your wives some attention. Don’t do it because you are trying to get in their pants, but do it just because it makes them happy.

Women… respect your husband, and be supportive. This might be difficult at first, but he needs it. Have sex with him, and let him enjoy your body. We are wired differently, and in such a way that in order to meet each others needs so that we feel loved we HAVE to live for the other person.

There is a solution, and this is what I mean by laying down our life as men. Women may have to do this first if your husband is not quite mature enough, but one of us will have to take the first step. We HAVE to let go of our own needs, wants, and desires and just love the other person. Do whatever it is that is necessary to make them happy, to meet their needs, and fulfill their desires. This will NOT be easy, but the failure to do this is the cause of the increasing deterioration of the family unit.

Let me share this with you. If my wife were to make me feel loved and respected, I would be all the more eager to make her feel loved and respected. Makes sense doesn’t it? It is the lack of this kind of love that causes the reverse effect. If one of the two can be strong, love the other unconditionally, and put their own life to the side, then the other will continue to grow, blossom, and reach a point where they want to return that kind of love.

Remember that we are set in perpetual motion, and all things, whether good or bad, are manifest in a spiral effect. Life requires boldness, character, discipline, sacrifice, and commitment. So the question is whether or not we have these attributes to do what must be done. Understanding the truth is one thing, but doing something about it is a whole different story. A married couple MUST live for one another if their family is to survive.