Every single one of us that has children wants the best for them. So many times though, we become confused as to what that looks like. We believe that our children need to be put before our spouse even, and we can easily find opinions of others to support this belief. If our children learn by example, then maybe we should really reconsider our belief on this topic. It is so easy to justify our inability to love someone unconditionally, and then to say that it is better for the children if we go our separate ways. This is a justification for our selfishness and is to the detriment of our children.
In reality our desire to give up on our marriage is because we care about us, and we are unwilling to give entirely of our self in love to another person. Saying that it is better for the children is just a way for us to excuse our self, and truly has nothing to do with them. It is absolutely in the best interest of the child to grow up in a home where the parents love each other, than for them to grow up in a broken home. If we give up on our marriage, we are just teaching our children that it is OK to give up. It is not OK!
If we give up and run all the time, then we will never have anything worth any value. Our relationships will be shallow, and short lived. There will never be any depth in our lives, and we will never come to know what true love is. The love that is patient, kind, humble, gentle, faithful, that does not envy, is not proud, is not rude, is not self seeking, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things we will never come to know, because through the trials that prove and manifest such love we run when the limits of that love are being tried and stretched.
If a husband and wife will love each other unconditionally, staying committed and bound together as one, their children will be given the perfect model of what to aspire to in life. The love of the family pulsates from the love of the parents, and likewise so does the strife. If we are showing our children what commitment, love, patience, tolerance, understanding, and communication look like every single day by our interaction with our spouse, they will learn that behavior. On the other hand though... If we are showing our children what resentment, bitterness, intolerance, selfishness, unfaithfulness, lack of commitment, poor communication, and anger look like every single day by our interaction with our spouse, they will learn that behavior.
It does not take a rocket scientist to read the previous paragraph and determine which characteristics our children should learn for them to be the best person they can be. If our children are truly so important to us, then we need to love our spouse unconditionally and adhere to our commitment. We need to know that our relationship with our wife, or husband, is teaching our children all about life. Not just how to treat other people, but how to treat their spouse when that day comes. We are teaching them all about relationships, and how to deal with the people in their lives that they supposedly love.
Not only will our children exhibit this learned behavior in their lives down the road, but they exhibit the same today. Try this for 30 days. If we put away our selfish pride, our sense of entitlement, our resentments, our bitterness, and just love our spouse unconditionally for just 30 days we will be utterly surprised by the impact in our family's lives. Not only will your spouse be caught off guard, but our children will too. I know this will be hard for some of us because we are so set in our ways, but if we can just make it 30 days...
We do 30 day trials all the time. For this wait loss thing. For this body building supplement. For this money making idea... Why not for the most important thing we are given in this life? There is nothing more valuable and important in this life than those God has given us to love and care for. We will have to put all of our selfishness aside in order for us to be able to really love our spouse in a way that they will know and feel. Then, after the 30 days, we can go back to being a selfish, miserable, person if we so desire, or we may like the impact that was made and decide it is worth the self-sacrifice in order to have such a positive impact on our family.
To say that it is better for the children that a family separates is a lie, and a cop-out. The truth is that we are too selfish to love anyone else unconditionally, and since we are not willing to make the sacrifice to make things better it is easier to just run away. This does our children no favors. How much more value we add to our children's lives by showing them to never give up, keep their word, love, hope, and dream? The first and foremost relationship in a family is that of the husband and wife. Without this relationship being what it is meant to be, then all the other relationships will be strained.
If we truly care about the best interest of our children, then we will make sure that our marriage is solid and rooted in love. Then from the love we have for one another, we can raise our children together, leading and directing them in the same direction. It is the bond, love, and commitment between the husband and wife that overflow into the rest of the family. If you don't believe me, then try it over the next 30 days. Give everything you have to loving and respecting your spouse, regardless of how you may feel, and then see if your family is not different at the end of the trial.
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